I think everything...

that's been happening to me is a sign. A sign that I need to just let things pass, and let God do what he plans.

From now on, I want to just fall back, and let God take over.

Time for church. Bye.

Aeris' theme.

Opened up the doorway to my flaws. And those words too. And these thoughts.

I think I have lost a lot of hope in myself.

A lot of hope that I had been growing for the past couple days and weeks. The courage to be someone. To just change, and become someone better.

But I feel like all of that has vanished. Like, I am just back at square zero. Like, maybe all the negative thoughts I always think will come true one day.

But I don't even care. I feel like I won't even care about myself at all when that time comes. Cause I surely am losing hope right now.

I wish I could be more positive. I wish that someone held my hand throughout my whole life. To guide me through everything. To make things easier. I think, I am just too emotional.

I wish I was more like you. Calm and cool, and just not having a care in the world.

I don't know what to do. I wish I wasn't such a fag sometimes.

Goodnight Universe.

So that's where.

MAN. The past two days of my life have been crazy. Just packed with fun, everywhere. Oh man.

Friday, we went to Water Country USA. Went to sleep around 5AM, and awoke at 8AM to pick everybody up. On the way there. we listened to music, and just sang our hearts out. Being in SD, I missed singing in my car the most. When we arrived there, I had to pay some parking shiz, so I was officially broke. Hahah.

The wave pool was warm yo! It was gross. I felt like I saw swimming in lard/pee/luke/pubic hair. So gross. And some of it went in my mouth D: HAHAH. On the way back, it sarted raining hard, leaving us in an about 10 mile car back up. 2 hours traffic D:

Then we went to Lyanne's! Free food, from her nice parents :D And then we jammed! SO FUN.

THEN, we went to ICC. The perfect way to end any night. I learned more about myself, and about what I can do. I learned more about Jesus, and some things I should start doing. ICC is always so welcoming, and it really hits the spot. Haha. Then we played UNO. OHMYGOSH. I NEVER KNEW UNO WAS SO FUN. THE BEST GAME IN THE WORLD. I'M GONNA LIVE FOR EVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!

That was Friday. Today is Saturday!

THE SOCIAL WAS AMAZING. HOLY CRAP. 10 TIMES BETTER THAN I EXPECTED.

Met new people, re-met other people, ate, sang, danced, chilled. So much fun. Got to see all these people I haven't seen in so long, and also see new faces! BOOMCHICKABOOMBOOM WAS AMAZING. And the ting game! But too many bees D:

It just shows what we have ahead for us this schoolyear!

Be hyped. I am :D

Actually...

Nothing on Earth right now can equal up to these in levels of importance:

One Piece Chapter 555. FML COME OUT ALREADY.
Halo 3.
Job.
Money.
GYM.
College.
Changing.
MONEY.
MONEY.
Clothes.
MONEY.
BAbomban TUkirby CAtyler DAdarryl.
Change.
Sleep to drive tomorrow!
COMMISSARY. SO SCARED.
Idk.
I want to sing right nao. I want to get better.
FF7.

There is nothing more I want, than to become an amazing musician. It discourages me how there are already so much better people than me, be it natural talent or the will to work hard. It makes me sad. Hahaha.

I have to get better on my own now. Just like everything else. But it'd be nice if anyone could help me :D

Idk. One Piece, PLEASE HURRY.

LOLOLOLOL

Today was really fun! I liked it alot. Annnd....AP ENV IS ALMOST DONE YEAH :D



Goodnight :D

It seems like...

My life in Virginia really is getting worse and worse. I really can't handle this shit much longer. Tired of dealing with this unfairness and you're unjust words. I honestly don't feel like a family member anymore. I don't know what to say. Family has been so important to me. But you say I don't appreciate the shit you do for me? Fuck. You don't even treat me like a son. You treat my sister more like family, more than me. You guys obviously have a favorite child. Haha.

I am so pissed off. Like, I'm not even going to approach you guys and say sorry. You have to do something about it. I'm tired of my pride being crushed, in my own fucking household.

Wow. Hahaha. This is fucking gay.

I'm gonna get out mah house after I do my paperwork. Bye guys.

P.S. Can anyone let me stay at their place tonight :D

Cut me deep like surgery yo.

Lyanne Buela - 2:37am
B0$$ like.

HAHAAHAHAHAH

No not Boss

its

B0$$

Kirby Manaloto - 2:37am
8055 lik3

Lyanne Buela - 2:38am
EW

GTFO

WHO ASKED YOU TO PUT IN NUMBERS

WTF

Kirby Manaloto - 2:38am
STFU

You know what,

I'm done.

Lyanne Buela - 2:38am
YOU LOOK LIKE A DOUCHEBAG

Kirby Manaloto - 2:38am
Bye.

Lyanne Buela - 2:38am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

8055

HAHAHAHAHAHHAAH

WTF IS THAT

HAHAHAHAHHAHa

thats like

80085

Youre an immature little dweeb, Kirby Manaloto.

Lyanne Buela - 2:39am
I know you're just waiting for me to level done from my B0$$ status.

Lyanne Buela - 2:39am
It's not going to happen.

Sorry, Kirby.

The B0$$ is in the hizzle bizzle.

Lyanne Buela - 2:40am
And The B0$$ isnt going anywhere.














:[

After saying goodnight.

I just realized something.

What the fuck am I doing. I need to do something about myself, and a lot of other things

DANG YO.

Reminder for the next couple millenniums...





Kirbssss, you gotta change.

Listening to My American Heart.

Reminds me of last summer. How I was so deeply in thought about Wendy all the time. HAHA. Man, that concert was amazing. I wish I could go back in time.

Oh yeah, first night back in Virginia! It feels nice to be home, but I miss the fam, yo! Also, I feel uneasy about alot of things happening now, and things coming up. It's scary, but I have found myself becoming more and more apathetic lately. I think that's bad. Oh well.

Wait, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT WAS A PERFECT EXMAPLE. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

I'm hungry too :[ Oh well. Haha.

It's really scary, thinking about how this is my last summer as a high school kid. That means that next summer, I'm 18, and I'm a freaking adult. WTF is that. Seriously. I am so scared. This school years gonna be crazy, but don't want it to end. Honestly. Being a kid is the only think I really know how to do.

Man, My American Heart really hits the spot. And some Daphne Loves Derby. Always gets me thinking man. Hahaha,

Well, time to do my nightly rounds of dicking around, so, goodnight blogspot.

See you in a while, crocodile :]

Wow.

You would kick me out of the room to lay down, and then leave 2 minutes later.

Wow. You have no clue, how annoying today has been.

Cousin lovinnnng!

AHAHAH



These are pictures from the first night I met some of my cousins. It was amazing. Hahahaha. We all told embarrassing stories about ourselves. I told them about when I pooped at Nghia's, and picked it up and chased people around with it. Also when I ran around naked. Hahaha.

Man. Now that they're gone, and my trip is coming to an end, I am becoming depressed. Hahaha. I feel my heart and face getting heavier. I don't have the urge to shop anymore. The urge that I have had since the beggining of summer. I don't even care about me getting the job at the comissary. I just want to relive this trip over and over again.

I have changed so much over my vacation. It was amazing. The next reunion is 2 years from now D: But it's gonna be in VA BEACH. HOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLA.

My performance was mediocre. I know I can do better, but my voice is always uglier when it matters. Sucks. Hahaha. I got to sing Simple Starving To Be Safe with my mother :D

I also got a sweet Santos Family Shirt yo. And I still have my lei If that's how you spell it. Hahaha. ANNNNND I won a "Golden Santos Award" for being "The Mama's boy...who sings." HAHAHA. Oh yeah, and my Auntie Gigi and her daughters Rachel and Michelle always called me cute. Usually, comments from family feel empty, because they have to comlimnent you cause you are family. But I knew when they said it, they meant it. I could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices yo! Hahaha.

Man.

The highlight of my summer?

The first ever, Santos Family reunion. Hands down.

Goodbye everybody! I'll see the Virginia Beach heads tomorrow :D

Never has there ever been a day.

As important as August 22nd, 2009.

This day has changed my life. I will never forget the first ever "Santos Family Reunion"

Over the past 3 days and nights, I have met more and more of my family. I take back all the words I said about San Diego. Well actually, maybe not. I am just happy to have met all of this family.

Out of everyone I met, the most important people I met were my Auntie Gigi's son and daughters.

My life will never be the same because of my cousins Francis, Angelo, Michelle, and Rachel.

Man.

I don't want to leave. I don't want my family to go home. I want to stay here forever. With everyone. I noticed how I let things like this easily pass me by. I love my family. Family is so important. Man.

I am just going to be so depressed when I get back to Virginia Beach. Hahaha.

Goodnight guys.

Two of the most important people in my life.

I have soiled such beautiful things in my life. I have lost all innocence. I have probably ruined everything between me and two important people in my life. I felt like being here in San Diego would help me get my mind off of it, and I wouldn't have to worry about it until I get back.

Well, I think I messed up everything. Hahaha. Soooo when I get back...it is going to be the fall of Kirby Manaloto.

Shoot. Not much I can do but think, and be excited to work. Oh yeah, and to be lonely. I love being lonely :D

Sike. Shiz yo. I miss mah frans.

Moving On by My American Heart is playing on my iPod. I think this song is really relating to me right nao. Except for the mid west part.

Bye guys. Have fun in VA.

I have never.

Had such a good cry session in so long.

You should really listen to my song. Maybe it will touch you, in places it touched me. HAHA.

I think this is the time where I start to let somethings go, but also re-attach myself to things I once had before.

I think when it comes to friends now, Andrew told me how he has no one to talk to everyday. I think I know how he feels, just not as much. I don't really have anyone to talk to anymore, which I guess is fine. I don't really care if I'm not important to anyone 100 percent of the time. At least I have time with some people.

I also think that when I get back from San Diego, I don't want to hang out with you guys anymore. I've been becoming more and more uncomfortable around you guys. I think maybe I need a break, or I need to find new people to hang out with.

I started all of my paragraphs with I. I hope this one's diffe....oops.

I really don't know what to say right now. I should start packing soon. It would be nice to have company, but I don't want to develop any sort of autophobia. I guess I should get more used to being alone. I mean, I'm alone alot, even when I don't have to be. And I complain to myself about it. But maybe, things are better this way. I guess I just haven't found any friends to really open up to about this feeling.

I don't know. I'm still young. And so is everyone else. We graduate in 10 months. I better set some thing straight with myself.

I need to start packing. Thanks for your time, whoever reads my blogs.

Bai :]

San Diego in one day!

And I'm still stressing about what song to play.

I think I'm gonna play She Loves Me So, by Anthony Green, but, only three people have heard it. That would be JC, Ria, and Adrian! Unless Elaine was secretly there when she was paused. HAAH.

But they said it sounded pretty good.

But still, I don't know if I should do a different song. I wanna bring a lot of energy to the reunion, to show that the MANALOTO BLOOD IS THE MOST SUPERIOR IN THE LAND OF TODAY.

So...idk. Suggestions please? And I guess, if I wanna get better at singing, I need to show it more. If you wun hear my cover of it, ask me, and I'll play it for you :D

Daniel's back in town :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

So GYM at 2 :DDDDDDDDDD

Tell yo friends about me!

Look at this kid!

Man, I bet you're just waiting for me to strike out, aren't you? That's garbage. Really, really gay. Go ahead already. Just fucking take it. I'll give it to you, just take it. I don't even care anymore.

Man, I bet I look like a psycho, foreal foreal.

Cause of my blog.

So many ups and downs WTF. HAHAHA.

Maaaaaaaaaaaan. Whatever. Shoot. Hahaha.

I don't know what to believe anymore. Just give me the facts, and quit fucking around the bush.

Gay. Hahaha.

Time to start my day right :D

I think I should!

Start breathing more. I need to start breathing, and start calming down, before I post anything here. I feel like everyone sees the "inside my mind at the moment" part, and doesn't really get to see who I am. I am such a happy guy, but there are times, where my mind gets the best of me.

I really need to start changing things, huh?

Thank you for reading my blogs, and for caring, to anyone who honestly does read and care about my life.

It really means alot to me. And thanks for trying to help, if you try. That means alot to me too.

I think brushing my teeth, and just looking at myself in the mirror really just, cleared somethings for me, even if temporarily.

I think I know what I'm gonna sing when I have to play a song in San Diego.

Never have your lyrics ever touched me until now, Anthony Green. HAHAA. I hope I don't butcher your song, or the audiences ears at my family reunion.

I really don't know what else to say. Man, I'm boring. Hahaha.

Goodnight, guys and gals.

I

am fucking tired of your bullshit, Kirby Manaloto.

Never in my life.

Has leaving Virginia seemed so good. I have never wanted to just fucking leave, more than right now. FUCK.

Man, I'm glad I'm leaving. I hope you guys have the time of your lives when I'm gone. Not just for me, but for you guys.

Man, I hope you're blooming.

Cause right now I'm bursting.

I should be public enemy number one.

I am the biggest fucking hypocrite on Earth.

Wow. Fuck dude.

I am a big, dumbass, jerk.

I think it's time, to put things in line.

WOW. FUCK DUDE. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

THERE IS NOTHING ELSE ON MY MIND THEN THE NEED TO PEE AND THE WORD FUCK, JUST RESONATING THROUGH MY HEAD. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

I knew it, and I knew I would feel this way. I just wanted to finally hear it.

I'm not even ready to stop hurting. I want to know more. Fuck it.

FUCK.

Man, I said fuck so much. Sorry. Goodnight.

Face of deceit.

Why must you always have that face up? To be someone you aren't? Why do you do that. It's really annoying. I guess that's why I get annoyed at you. Hahaha.

MAN. My back hurts so bad, my neck hurts so bad, and I bet I have crazy morning voice D:

I went to sleep at 7 D: But last night was pretty lulllllz :D

Well, time to start my day right.

With smiles, friends, and the Gym :D

SO FREAKING CUTE WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I should stop overthinking things.

I think I just need more apathy in my life.

Why should I care about you anyway. I'm only important to you some of the time. And I don't like that.

Can you feel?

Man. 17Again was a really good movie. I have also come to the conclusion that...

Zac Efron is the hotest dude on Earth. With him on the planet, how can there be any hopes for guys like us D:

Perfect Hair.
Perfect Body.
Perfect Facial Structure.

Shoooot yo. My inspiration yo. HAHAHA.

Nights like this, I'd just like to sneak out. and run away for a little. Wouldn't it be nice? I don't have any money, so that holds me back.

I don't really have much else to say in maaah blog, so bai bai! FarmVille time :D

Can you feel? Can you feel that Hybrid Rainbrow?

Wow, it's late!

I don't like how you're keeping things from me.

It makes me mad. Hahaha.

Oh well. We're all human, so we're entitled to secrets.

You wanna know something cool? I have secrets too. And I ain't gonna tell you shit.

You too. I think you're the reason I'm stuck in this rut. You're my friend, but it makes me mad how you're the reason why. I won't tell you shit either. I hope you end up happy. I don't think I should influence your life then, in order to get what you want. To end my influence on you, I think I should stop talking to you, until you get what you want.

You think I don't know, but I do. I do, don't even think for a second I don't.

It's late, I'm hungry. I went to the GYM today :D

I hope something groovy happens tomorrow.

6 More days till San Diego. This is either gonna be FML or Hooray!

Something always happens when I leave for vacation. Hopefully it isn't anything bad this time.

I'm hungry D: Oh well.

So long, Universe :D

The next sad post is gay?

Well, what about something about aggravation? Hahaha.

I get aggravated how you go in my room and do stuff while I'm gone.

I get aggravated when you act two faced towards me.

I get aggravated at how we're not as good friends as we should be.

I get aggravated because you just seem to be the fuel for all of my jealousy.

I get aggravated cause I don't seem like much of a good friend anymorez.

I get aggravated because I can't seem to get reach you.

I get aggravated because I feel like I hurt you, but I don't want to admit it.

I get aggravated at the pressure I feel when it comes to you.

I get aggravated cause I don't have that "family" like you guys do.

I get aggravated cause people get mad at me for things that I wouldn't make a big deal out of.

I feel better now. I want to go to the GYM! But I have no energy. I ate 5 bananas today. FUHYO. My tummy hurt so bad. And now, I feel sleepy, and hungry.

Time to eat, then halo, perhaps?

Baai Baaaaai :]

NEGATIVITY D:

You know what? Fuck being negative. Waste of my time, fuuuhyo.

Reading Eileen's newly created blog, sort of slapped me in the face. You know, I really am one of the happiest people in the world. I have a loving family, a home to sleep in, and good friends.

Who cares if I'm not skillful? I probably have improved, it's just that, you guys are still progressing, more and more also. I just have to keep up with you guys, Andrew, Tyler, Bomban, and Daywoo. I just need to keep trying.

Maybe I'm just negative on blogspot, cause I become lonely? I shouldn't feel so lonely. I know I'm not.

Hahaha. You know what, fuck negativity. Excuse my French. Haha.

I guess I am pretty decent at alot of things! And I am somewhat good looking, or so I'm told, yet still do not believe. Hahaha.

I'm going to go to sleep smiling goodnight. Watch me.

Goodnight :]

I sense.

No improvement in any aspect of my life.

I felt like I was getting somewhere, but today just showed me how slow I've been to learn and progress in anything.

"Better late than never" is something a lot of people say. I think it's true, but...

I believe I am always just too late.

My timing at everything sucks. I don't like to believe in luck too much, but I'm pretty lucky.

Lucky at being unlucky, if luck has any influence is this world.

I am doodoo at halo. I guess I will never be the best in VB, or the World.

I am doodoo at guitar and singing. I'm just not blessed.

I always suck and lose in any type of competition. I'm just not suited for being competitive.

I also have a low self esteem. Hooray.

Maaaan. How can I even learn to improve or change anything about my life? I don't know.

I have no clue what to type no moaaar. BaiBai!

Man.

I feel so down, but the moment my mind is off of you and You, I feel so much stronger. I feel energy flow through my veins again.

Why can't I feel this way, for both you and You, and everything else around me.

Whoaaaa, I'm feeling so, enlightened right now, I don't know if it's because of me wanting to, or if You're doing something to me. Please, help me, in any way possible.

I'm the best!

At making a mess of things.

Fuuuuh. I don't even feel sad anymore. I just feel dumb. Wow. All this time, I thought I knew. But I didn't know shit.

Maybe, I should start to question everything. Everything in the back of my mind. I hate this fucking mind. I always think of shit, that shouldn't matter. Then I make it matter. Whatthefuck.

Wow. I feel so, shitty. Woooooooooow. This has got to be, a whole new low I have ever reached. I honestly don't think I've ever reached lower. I need something to cling to. Something to make me feel better.

I need a better version of myself. I need hope for the future.

So close, I can feel it. But now, I'm falling back, so fast.

Waaaah.

It's easier for you.

A lot easier for you! Cause no one expects you to do something. You're just the shadow that lurks, when the spot lights on me. The little rat scurrying back and forth, as I am being pierced. Pierced by the eyes of the spectators. Pierced like an arrow, straight through my heart.

It's like you are the moon. Everyone sees one side of you. But I am the astronaut. I introduced you. I brought you into our lives. I made you the magical thing you are now. I have seen and do see all sides of you. I know the truth.

At least I think I know you. Hah, I prolly don't. But how could I, a mere human being, truly understand one's actions and thoughts.

Expectations, and predicting and anticipating someones actions surely do make life hard. And sometimes annoying.

Wow, I can say this about 2 things right now. Actually, more than that. I think I can say that for pretty much everything in my life.




I zun know. I don't feel sad or mad tonight. I like it. But I'm not happy, so I don't like it! I guess it's because Tyler went to sleep early, and everyone else on AIM I feel like I annoy. Actually, I think I annoy everybody. Hahaha. Shoot.

Maybe, you aren't the shadow, or the moon. Maybe you are the certain of attention, and I am just failing at trying to steal that from you. Maybe I'm the moon and the shadows. Yeah, that's probably it. How could I expect to steal you from your throne anyway.

The moon looks pretty nice tonight anyway, I hope I was a pretty good nice person toooooo.

Oh yeah, I learned alot of new songs on guitar. Hooray me. Now I just need an uncrappy voice, and I'd feel better.

So.

Many. Thoughts. Running. Through. My. Mind. What. Is. Wrong. And. What. Is. Right. I. Am.
































Terrified.

In response to JC's dream.

Here is mine. Mine was intense yo, it was like the end of the world.

Me and all of my friends were at a party at Ronnie's house. We were all rich and stuff, and drinking champagne. And then, me, Vincent, Nesly, and Spencer went to the store to buy more champagne. On the way back to Ronnie's, we were riding this big white van, used to paint peoples houses. Upon the arrival at Ronnie's house, we went past the security guards. I looked back as we went up the driveway in the van, and saw them respond to their walkie talkies. They then took out rocket launchers, and shot around 8 missles at us. 3 of them hit. All the times we got hit, I felt like I was about to die. I was screaming, and cussing, and crying, and holding onto Vicnent. Our van flipped near all the other guys, lined up against a wall. As we emerged from the wreck, I saw helicopters and huge robots stopping on guests, and shooting us all with missles. I look back to see one of Vincent's hypebeast friends (lololol) cower in fear. I then jumped into his car, through a like, 5 inch window. I yelled to get in. He look back at me with tears, and nodded his head. We drove off, and were on the highway. I could hear the screams of dying people and explosions in the distance. I was in the backseat crying, from what I saw. Vincent's friend, then told Vincent to look under the seat. Vincent had an Uzi. I was like WTF, that wont do anything, are you stupid. Vincent then proceeded to shoot his gun out the window. When he shot it, I could see a health bar, and his ammount of ammo. It was pretty lol. Then beside us, pulled up Nesly and Luke, inside of a pick up truck. There were a bunch of people in his truck, nice and safe. We then got to Lynnhaven Mall, and I had to drive Vincent's friends car. I then asked Julie to call her mom, and ask where I could park, for VIP. HAHA. I parked in a spot, that we used to drop my mom off at work. We then went to the fountain area. I got lost, from everybody, cause Ronnie wanted to go to Gamestop, which was on the third floor. I proceeded to the movie theatre, with some guy from my freshman Biology class. He was fat and white, and a stoner. LOLOLOL. Me and him then bought our tickets for a movie, a movie that was similar to what I was dreaming earlier. Ironically, in my dream, I had no money, just like real life. HAHAHA. Well, he paid for my ticket, and a new cell phone I wanted. It was like a date. He told me, "I'll pay for you. Remember that time at McDonalds?" and winked at me. I was like...yeah? HAHAHA. And then, we went to this new store in Lynnhaven Mall. It was like, a skate/anime clothing store. I bought a Flapjack cardboard cutout. I looked back into the hallway of the store, and found the bathroom. I saw the door. As I opened it, I felt my right hand twich. I looked up, and I was awake, with my right arm in the air. Hahaha.

After the awe of my crazy dream, I looked to my right, and saw my laptop open. I moved my finger on the pad, to wake it up. To my expectations, my farm was full of Pumpkins.

Farmville is amazing :D

Too many nights in a row.

Man, I feel so refreshed, and renewed now, thanks to that talk I had with a woman I met today, named Auntie Tes. She is a very devout Catholic, and it was nice having all of my questions answered about Catholicism.

But today at ICC, I also felt renewal. I learned more about, why Christ died, and other things about Jesus Himself.

Out of everyone I have learned from today about religion, it has to be Daniel, who helped me grasp certain ideas the best. The way you can explain things, and also your story telling, really reach out to me, and keep me thrilled. You really have also become someone who has guided me spiritually, as well as Nesly. Thank you. I honestly could not say I wouldn't be the same without you.

After all that I've learned today, I respect Catholicism and its traditions more. But for me to come back, and stay a Catholic, I am too unsure about as of now. Right now, I am still on my religious journey. Well, still in the babysteps page.

And also, I want to say something about you. I want to say it to your face, but I don't know if I have the guts to do it. So I'll be a punk, and say it on blogspot.

I cause you trouble. Don't wait for me. I am just holding you down. I am a bad man, stay away from me. I won't cause you anything but heartache. Find someone else to love.

I guess that's what I should, but I'm too scared to actually say it. Idk. I guess, this is just something else I must look into, as well as my spiritual and religious journey. I'm scared.



Goodnight!


OOOOOOPS.






:D

All of the sadness.

Has returned for one moar night. After this night, I'm fucking done. I'm tired of this bullshit.

Perfect day! Perfect night! Fucking gay now.

I suddenly feel like a bad person. Isn't that just the best way, to top off the day, huh?

For everyone I have wronged, I am sorry. I will change myself, if anything at all.

I hate short blogs. I hate showing everyone my sorrow. But this is the only way I can really pour my emotions out. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Don't try to talk to me, out of pity, because you have read this, please. I'm better off learning for myself, then being pitied.

If you read this and think, what a fag, then you're right. My bad.

I wish I was younger. I wish I was carefree.

FUCK. I hope you have a goodnight, cause I sure am not. Bye.

Cut deep.

Time to sleep.

Baibai.

Malice is just as bad as sadness.

No matter how much I wanna yell "Fuck you. And you too. And you, expecially."...



I can't do it. I feel like my tongue is being held back. I feel myself getting cotton mouthed, I'm running out of saliva in my mouth. My heart is beating faster. I feel shaking. I feel my breath getting heavier.

I don't know what else to say, but, good luck. I'm fucking done. Can't take this shit any longer. I want to disappear from everyone's lives for a bit. Or at least go back in time, when I was younger. Or something. Shit.

I'm getting worked up over shit I can't change, shit I don't want to accept. What's wrong with me. I need to chill.

Baaaaaaaaaaaai Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai.

I don't like thinking hard.

It's summer time. We have the time of our lives, then the day becomes shit. Isn't that gay?

Well, anyone who wants someone to talk to, and feels sad, just know that you can talk to me, or anyone of us. We're all family.

I don't like how everyone's getting sad. It seems like everybody has problems, they don't want to address. Why? Think about why we aren't asking help from each other? Are we too scared? Are we too prideful? Idk. Maybe it's just me. Hahaha.

I don't like when the people I love are hurting. If we don't have a legit reason to hurt, then stop and talk to someone.

Idk. I probably didn't help anybody. Guuudnight.

I now know.

I finally accepted the source of my infinite sadness, that continually pours from my face late at night. I knew it before, but closed my eyes to the fact I was sad.

Oh well. I don't really care anymore. I zun know what to do, so what should I do. I shouldn't get all worked up about something I can't change, or shouldn't care about.

Having a selfish mind sucks. Time to change that, I suppose.

I guess...I should go play halo. Or guitar. Something to soothe this heart of mine.

Oh yeah, I have a job! I guess that makes me feel somewhat better :]

Need to Succeed!

How can I succeed, if I don't even know if I'm spelling it right. AAHAHA.

Man. I wish I had a Green voice. Or a Owens voice. Or a Bemis voice. I see kids all on youtube, and call them scrubs, cause I think they suck.

But shoot man, who am I to talk. Hahaha. I don't even like my own voice. I can't even stand practicing, cause I don't like it. Hahaha.

I wish I was blessed with a Godly voice yo. Oh well. I guess I just have to work hard...


















WHACK D:

Stuck in this rut!

Is it rut? I think it's spelt differently. Isn't it spelled, not spelt? And I think Isn't is not a legit contraction. Shoooooooooot.

Sometimes God backs you up into a corner, to show you that you need Him. That He is all you've got. That without Him, you have nothing. He backs us into the corner so we beg and plead for Him, to be desperate for His Love. I think, I'm not desperate enough. I don't hunger or thirst for His Love enough.

Man, last Friday at First Emmanuel Baptist Church hit me. It hit me hard.

I'm slowly backing into this corner. I feel it. Pray for me, I'll pray for myself too. Waaaaah. I'll pull through.