JOINING THE CRAZE.

Jaykay, no tumblr for me. And actually, no more blog spot.

I retire from blogging, at least for a while. I don't really need to spill my emotions out, for no reason. I guess that's what friends are for, and I guess, it's what growing up is all about.

I've been growing up alot lately, and you know what, I need to change. I can't just be a bitch about it, and put it up here, hoping someone reads it, and confronts me, or something. I guess, idk.

Well, this time is the last time, to vent out. This is making me sad. I feel like for the past couple months, my life has been documented here. That everything important that has happened to me, has been put down on this place. My own personal journal. My own little bubble, to claim and sort my feelings. It's sad. Hahaha.

It's going to be hard not blogging, but older generations have survived without it. It's just one more step towards becoming a man. HAHA. Maybe one day, I'll just explode with emotion, and I'll need to put something down. Maybe here, or maybe on tumblr. Tumblr always looked so nice to me, but, I already have parts of my history as a teenager here. And I personally pick history > looks, when it comes to blogs. Hahaha.

It's funny, cause everyone's making a tumblr. Maybe I should make one. Idk. Maybe in time. But blogspot, you've been like, a human being to me. HAHAHAHAHA.

WHATTHEFUCK. THAT SHOWS HOW FUCKING SAD I WAS. HAHAHAHAHAHA. When no one was awake, and no one would listen, you would open up, and just let me spill. HAHAHA.

If blogspot were a human, we would be at like, 8th base right now. Hmmmm.

I don't want this blog to end D: My head is throbbing from the anticipation to close this chapter of my life. I feel like, I'm gonna be unstable without this port to shout out my feelings.

Maybe I'm just being a bitch. I've been a pretty big one lately, anyway. Hahaha.

Well, one last emotional trip, here it goes...

What is something, that my heart has been aching to scream. Hmmm...

I'm not ready to grow up. I was a little kid when I started this blog, and I still am. I've grown in alot of ways, but I still feel puny, I still feel that hole in my soul. But there is hope, cause I can feel that hole closing, you know? It's being filled with new-found passions, new people, new friends, old friends, my future, my family, my ever-so-thoughfilled mind, the tears, my fears, and my decisions.

I'll shape into a good person one day, just watch me.

Until then, goodbye blogspot. You have worked my thoughts out in so many ways. I could call you a brother I never had. HAHAHA.

I retire from blogging. For now.

Goodnight everyone, I love you all, and I miss the people who don't really talk to me anymore. I want to change that. I want to keep you an important part of my life.

LOLOLOL, I wonder what you think of this blog, Kirby-at-the-age-of-40. HAHAHAHA.

Just remember that your life kicked ass as a teenager, no matter how negative you feel. You had amazing friends, you had fun jobs, your summers are full of stories, your dreams and wishes have been fulfilled, you were as generous as you could be, you were as nice as you could be, you tried not to be annoying, you made people smile, you made people laugh, and that every morning, you woke up, and smiled and laughed too. And that your family loved you, and that people care about you, no matter what. Your teenage life, was the best it could be. Hahaha. Just so you know, Kirby-at-the-age-of-40, you cried alot at the age of 17. You realized so many things. You started to grow up. And you were proud of who you were. Wherever you are right now, Kirby, you better still be laughing and smiling. You better still be the best you can be. You better love your family, and you better be Kirby.

Goodbye, I love you guys.

Manaloto, out.

10/20/09 10:54 PM =]

Iron Gym!

Soooo...

No L, no D, and Iron Gym doesn't fit on my door.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

Shoot. Time to sleeep. Work tomorrow, fml.

Look how cute I was. Lawl.

Monkey Boxers :D

I have been starting to notice that, I am becoming more independent. I eat dinner alone, I make dinner for myself sometimes. I bathe myself, lololol.

Well, I'm not really becoming independent. I am just starting to become a one man team. Eating dinner alone tonight made me realize that I have not eaten dinner with my family in months. Every night I come home from work, I eat dinner circa 1030pm. I really wanted to use the word circa. HAHA. Then, I wake up, and go to school. Come home early sometimes, eat lunch by myself, take a nap, then go to work. It's becoming pretty routine. Oh well. I never really find my self having time for things I like to do, i.e. Talk to mah fraaans and family, play guitar, play halo, talk to you, etc.

Man, I can't believe eating dinner alone made me feel like that. I am making things bigger than they should be, I presume.

Well, I shouldn't complain, cause at least I have a family, at least I have food to eat, at least I have somewhere to eat, at least I'm breathing, at least someone out there cares about me.

It's hard not to complain, when you take a lot of things for granted, huh?

Manaloto, out.

I am running out of titles for blogs!

Times are a changing, and things are rearranging.

Yay for apathy again :D

Does it surprise you?

Cause it surely surprises me.

I always thought that senior year was gonna be amazing, that everyone would be together again. That we would all hang out, and take pictures, and smile, and laugh, and be fine.

Well, lately, I haven't felt like that. I feel like work is sucking away the life, I once had. But other than work, I felt like I was losing part of my life to school. But other than school, I felt like I was losing part of my life still.

I think lately, I only feel like a handful of people care about me. That only a certain amount of family and friends truly care about me, that people are starting to just, not really acknowledge me anymore.

I honestly feel, different. I feel so much more things on me, trying to make me sad. And it sucks.

Work is already taking hours away, from anything I have left to do in life. That makes me sad too.

Hm, so pretty much, school sucks right now, and so does my status with friendships.

I really don't know what to say anymore. I just feel, blah right now. I feel like I should reach out and touch you, but I don't think I should. Whatever happens, happens. Whatever will be, will be, be it me becoming an acquaintance, or me being a shoulder to lean on. It's pretty much, anyone's call right now.

Goodnight, I miss you guys. Alot.

Manaloto, out.

P.S. - Thanks for everyone, who still makes my world turn. I wouldn't be much alive right now if it weren't for you.

HurryHurry!

If I blawwwwg, I'll be late for work, oh well.

Uhhh...Yeah, work is pretty fun now a days :D

Hmm, talking to you today, father, has made me really happy. I want to create a relationship that we have never had.

Uhh...I feel like I never talk to Bomban much anymore. Actually, I feel like I don't talk to anyone much anymore. I've been starting to feel like I'm not really part of that many peoples' lives, because of work and school. I feel like I've lost a big part of me.

Uhhhhm...I think I might have to be Kim's escort for her debut! I don't know if I'm happy, scared, or yeah. I'm excited!

Hm. Tyler, I really want you hang out with you alot again. I wish I was smarter, so I could halp you. Sorry about calculus and all that jazz, I can't help. Hahaha.

Hmmm. GYM tonight, but my wrist and elbow hurts. FML.

New protein jar :D HELLYEAH.

Hmmm...idk what else.

Time to go to work.

And by work, I mean, drive with my BA sunglasses and listen to Daylight.

Bye guise. See you soon, hopefully.

Manaloto, ouuuut.

Luh luh luh luh!

The crystal ball is on,

and I can see it all.

I see how much, this is going to blaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Uhhh, wow. Bye.

Breakfaaaaaaaaaast.

You are all I thought about, Darryl.

I miss you.

Walla Walla, Washington.

It feels weird waking up, and the first thing you do is blog.

It's really refreshing listening to my blogspot song, and just relaxing. It opens up so many portals in my mind, however, it can be good or bad portals D: Hahaha.

Right now, I'm feeling particularly good. Last night was really fun. Actually, since I got out of school, the day got progressively better and better. Ohhh man. You guys have no clue, how amazing my Friday was yesterday. I would poop in a cup, and make a milkshake out of it, just to repeat that day. HAHA.

I find it funny how slow time becomes when you are eager. 4B, on a Friday, 1 hour left. I swear, it was like, 3 hours. I just wanted to leave, and head to my destination, my home. Oh well, I haz to cherish all of the time I have left as a high school student.

Man Tyler, it was really nice seeing you yesterday. It sucks how we don't see each other as much because summer is done. But still, if you ever want to come to a social event, and you have no ride, I'll always be willing to pick you up. I never dislike your presence. You bring such a good vibe with you, a vibe that can really help people be happy. Like me! I am just like, ten times more happier when you are around. Also, I think you are one of the reasons behind my motivation to be someone nice. You see a lot in me, because you look up to me. I really thank you for that. I'll try to never let you down. Haaha.

Bomban, it was pretty lol yesterday with you too. We talked about the randomest shiz yesterday. Like how Mason was a black sperm. HAAHHAHA. And that thing on the roof was Marlon's brother. HAHA. I'm really glad that I kept you in my life, and that we can just laugh about the gayest things, but also have serious talks. You're one of the few people I am completely open with nowadays. Thanks, baby. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You aren't going to talk to me for 3 months now. HAHA.

Well, breakfast time! Then work! Bye guys :D

Manaloto, out.

I love being happy.

Today I worked from 1700 to 2100, and it was actually pretty fun. That one guy knows my name, and people are starting to talk to me more. It's not like school, where I'm just a "shadow", as Daniel describes. Hahaha.

I don't think I have ever been this happy in a while. So many factors contribute to how I am so happy. Easy day at work, having a job, listening to my blogspot song, having food waiting for me.

I felt appreciated today. It was nice.

Hmm...I don't know what else to say. I know I'm not gonna do my math homework yet. I'll do it tomorrow.

No work tomorrow, so that makes me :D

APICS was pretty fun today. I am head of the birthday committee GET SOME CUUUUUUUUH.

MY doggy Bambam is actually here keeping my company. Maybe he's finally starting to like me after like, 4 years. Hahah.

I just love, how things seem when you are happy. Everything seems so magical. Like I shouldn't care about anything in the world right now.

I really don't know what else to say, I just feel, so content right now. Thank You for giving me another day to breathe. Uhhhm...Goodnight!

Manaloto, out!

P.S. Happy 100th, blogspot. You have done me well so far, so let's keep it up =]

Oh.

You know why.

I'll break the sky

for you and I!

Wow, I haven't blogged in a while, I think. Nor have I taken a picture with mah webcam. It feels weird. Hahaha.

Well, today has got to be the single most, boring day of my life.

English was gay like always, except we had to fill out college applications. It really makes you feel like shit when you don't know what's gonna happen to your life. Hahaha.

Lunch was pretty fun, except that Mexican casserole. I would pay another 2 dollars if I could go back in time to prevent myself from eating it. It made me feel sick. Well, it was nice talking to you later in lunch, Wendy. So that made it not as gay.

Math Analysis was boring. So was the walk to and fro. Well, I got a 93 B on my test. I think that is the highest I have ever gotten on a test in her class, including sophomore year. Hahahaha.

Government was reallly boring. Holy crap. It was just me and that girl, cause Kim was somewhere. Wtf, that girl is so awkward. She copied my quiz verbatim, and then cheated yo fix the questions that I got wrong. Oh yeah, she's pretty generic looking. She doesn't really seem that cool.

After school was gay, there was nothing to do at all. So much, that I just went home and pooped, and now I'm here. Everyone is doing something, idk what. Some people went home, some went to the mall? idk. Oh, the doorbell just rang. Maybe it's my mom. I feel like I should talk to her. I haven't really conversed with my mommy in a while.

Idk. And then I have work at 430. How fun. The day is just going to keep getting better. Oh joy, lucky me.

Hmmm...I should eat. And maybe stop by practice. Aw, it wasn't mommy, it was ate chelsea. I'm sad again. HAHA.

Well, today has got to be one of the gayest school days of my life. However, I still managed to smile throughout the day, and until now. I still feel pretty happy on the inside.

Thanks for the hope you have given me, to the little hope that I have left.

Well, maybe I should just nap. Maybe God made my day boring, to make me tired, for this nap, to keep me awake at work? HAHA. Idk. It's cool. At least I was blessed with another day. It shouldn't be TOO gay.

Manaloto, out.

I don't think yesterday couldn't have gone any better.

Unless like, I won the lottery or something. Hahaha.

The senior trip was amaaaaazing. Regardless of the 2 hours of sleep I got before the trip, I didn't sleep on the bus ride there. It was really funny though, going to sleep at 5. Cause the closer it got to 7, the more I didn't want to sleep. Actually, I'm pretty sure you're the reason I didn't want to sleep.

It seems like yesterday was another "Self-Realization" day about a lot of things. That we're all growing up, and changing.

I got to the school, and I parked in the bus loop. It was lol. The first face I saw of the day was Ronnie. When I saw him, the I started to think about how we looked when we were younger. Ronnie, you have really grown up, inside, and out. Back in 7th grade, you were cute, like, just cute. Hahaha. But now, you've become one of the most good looking guy friends I have. You are a really nice guy too. It's no wonder how people like you. You've become a much more mature guy. You can control your emotions, as compared to other people. People always slip up, but I know you can handle yourself. I'll always be here for you, if you ever need me. It's crazy how we're growing up.

On the way to Six Flags, I was with you a lot of the time Ronnie. It made me realize, how long I've known you, and how you are one of my best friends. I mean, we're not the closest of friends anymore, but I'm just glad you're there. You have helped me so much, in ways you probably don't even know. Whenever I look at you, I can't be anything but thankful.

Not only did I sort of, analyze things about Ronnie, but I analyzed things about you too Nghia.

When we got to the park, I claimed you as my roller caoster buddy. It was pretty funny, because we recorded ourselves throughout the rides. I spent alot of time with you at Six Flags, and it made me realize, that you're pretty much the friend that I have spent the most time with. Few thing in my life will ever match up to our friendship. We have spent countless hours together, be it hanging out, or actually doing things that matter. I get so pissed at myself, when I think of the time I treat you so shitty. I take your friendship for granted.

I really wish, I treated you like a best friend all of the time. It seems like there are times, where I just act like a dick towards you. There are just times, where I get mad at you. For shit that I shouldn't get mad about. I really want you to stay in my life, after I grow up and everything. I want you to see my family, I want you to visit me, I want you to keep in contact, I want you to be there, and to play an active role in my life, always. I'm sorry about all of those times I treated you so badly. I should change that, huh.

Well, through out the trip, I thought about you guys alot. But I also managed to have a lot of fun. Including-

1. Trying to find ways to get comfortable was pretty lol.
2. Singing different songs on the bus.
3. Playing wanna buy a duck, and boomchickaboomboom, and all the other games.
4. Synchronizing iPods with Ronnie. It was so funny, cause we would always make that face at each other, when we finally managed to synchronize them.
5. The pictures we took on the way to Six Flags.
6. We got to hang out with Brandon again. I swear, moments with Brandon are some of the funniest moments of my life.
7. Eating that crappy Jolly Rancher Candy Gummis on the way to Six Flags.
8. All the talking we did on the way to Six Flags!
9. Changing in the bathroom, and screaming "IT'S EVERYWHERE! OH MY GOSH. MY HAIR."
10. Getting off the bus, and taking a group picture!
11. Seeing all of the wasps and bees the whole freaking day.
12. Walking around, and pointing out all of the ridiculous things me and Brandon saw!
13. Riding the first roller coaster of the day, felt amazing.
14. The wooden roller coaster was really fun! Wooden roller coasters are so fun!
15. Free food :D We beat the traffic, and we also had a lot of extra food. It was crazy. Hahaha.
16. Singing on stage with Gaylord. It was so fun. Lately, I've had more confidence in myself, to do things and just confidence in my individual self lately. Maybe it;s because I'm starting to feel like an adult?
17. The cows were actually really fun! Hahaha.
18. Superman was amazing. The drop had me screaming. But the second time I rode it, I kept a straight face. HAHAHA.
19. The Batman ride was freaking ridiculous. Oh my gosh. You're laying down, and facing the ground. Just hanging there. Wtf is that, seriously.
20. Eileen and Nesly got funnel cake! I'm not that big of a fan of funnelcake. Hahaha.
21. Riding the small, non-crazy rides were pretty fun! I liked the merry go round, and the swings.
22. The bus ride home. Hahaha.
23. The first half, everyone was talking, and having fun, and then out of no where, people started to just fall asleep. Hahaha.
24. The scary stories actually made me tear up. There were some really scary stories man.
25. The couple behind me was pretty...gross. Honestly, I felt like crying.
26. Pictures :D
27. BOW TIE :D
28. Our "No Shirt" Party. That included only 3 dudes. HAHAHA.
29. Feeling that sense of friendship between us all, was amazing. I loved it so much.

I wanted to at east get to 30, but, this blog is getting lengthy. And "The Sun and The Moon" is about to end. Hahaha.

Overall, going to Six Flags was so fun. Every moment of that day felt me with joy, but also small hints of sadness, because I mean, dang, we are losing time as kids. Hahaha.

I got home, and stayed up till about, 4 oclock, I want to say? I don't know, the clock wasn't what I was paying attention to. It was something much more than that.

Well, I am going to just, lay around or something until work. Bye bye :D

Manaloto, out!

P.S. This blog took me so long to write. Like, 3 hours. SIKE, you dewdew face :D

Home from work.

Maybe the desire to stay out all night, is me just hiding from my self.

I feel like staying out all night will mask up how I'll feel if I stay home. And then Six Flags will be another good way to escape myself. But what about after all of that?

What about work on Sunday? The rest of the school year? The rest of the time that I feel so, shitty?

Ahhh man, I really don't know. I hope I don't just explode.

Until then, I better smile and laugh.

Hmmm. Bye bye.

Well....actually, maybe things aren't that bad. I feel my life picking up speed. And it's exciting! I am actually excited about it for once. It's weird.

Hahahaa. Wow, mood swings. Maybe I'm on my period D:

Manaloto, out!

The only thing I've learned in psychology.

"The whole is greater than the sum of its parts."

So this is what having mixed emotions feel like. It feels like there is a tornado
inside of me, tearing up all of my insides.

And it sucks.

Well, idk what else to say.

Goodbye, and Goodnight. Sorry, and Thanks.

Time for bed.

Manaloto, out.

Not only am I mad now.

I saw the other person, who also pisses me off alot. I looked at his pitures, and in my mind, I was saying "You are such a bitch. You are just, a faggot."

Then I realized, that we are pretty much the same. I am such a, I don't really know. There is no word that is vile enough to describe how I feel about my self.

Man, everything today is just going downhill. Wtf.

I just want tomorrow to end already. B-days just make my life worse. Hm. I guess that's all I want to vent right now. I'm tired. bai.

What. The. Fuck.

I am so fucking pissed. What the hell. Everything today, is just getting worse, and worse, and worse. Wow. I am so full of rage right now. Oh my gosh, I am so fucking mad right now. Oh my gosh.

Everything, just keeps building up and building up, until it falls. But then people don't see that it falls, and decides to keep fucking piling up more and more shit on it. Woooow. I can just, feel all of the blood pumping through my body. I can feel my hands shaking. I honestly don't think, I have ever been this mad. This is like, a record.

I really hate, when someone pisses you off, and then they keep doing the same shit, over and over again, to piss you off more. And then after that, when they finally fucking notice your pissed off, they start to blame you. What is that, seriously. It's like, a slap to the face. FUCK.

And then after all of that shit, they ask you for a favor. HAHA. THEY ASK YOU, FOR A FUCKING FAVOR. LIKE NONE OF THAT SHIT HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE. WOW. Trying to act like you didn't make me mad earlier. And other than that, like I'm your last resort. You wait, until all of your options are famished, and then you fucking come back to me, and ask me to do something for you?

This applies to more than one person right now. What the hell. I am so mad.

I really need to start my fucking math homework. Before someone else decides to pour more shit on my face. Tired of this bullshit.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I think I named another blog the same name before.

Uhhhh....

As of right now....

I

wish

someone

would

just

like,

beat

me

up

or

like,

slap

some

sense

into

me

or

like,

just

put

an

end

to

all

of

this

madness.

Idk. I am just so, full of ish right now. I need some me and You time. Bai.

Annnnd....

Also, something of importance....

wednesday_addams90210...

Who are you? Hahaha.

How, anti-climactic.

Did I spell that right? Idk.

Well, today was really fun. And I thought that it would still be crazy even at this time.

Actually, right now, it is 11:17 pm, or 23:17, military time. I got to get used to that for work. Hahaha.

Well, it is 11:17 pm, and life is so quiet right now. I thought about my day, and my life lately, and how great it's been, but once the sound of music stopped, all I could hear was the ticking of my clock. A clock that I don't even use for time, but for more, "nostalgic" purposes. It was just like, a realization that when my life gets quiet, all I can think about is time, making me waste time.

However, when I'm with my friends, and fill my life with music and happiness, everything sails on by, nice and smooth. It's really nice to know that that's how my life is, but yet, I fell some sort of, emptiness. It's weird.

Well, today at Manfest, I did some thinking. Alot of thinking. I think, I need to change. I need to apply myself to not only other things, but to myself even more. All this talk about spiritual battle, and brotherhood, is really hitting me hard.

Pretty much, I am losing. Losing really bad. I need to do something about myself.

Hmmm. Well, I worked on Sunday! And yesterday too! It was really nice. I got to meet new people, and also see some familiar faces. It's pretty chill right now, but I have heard that it ends up sucking so bad. I'm sort of looking forward to it, though. All I've been thinking about is my first paycheck. It seems like nothing else matters till then, and nothing else will matter after. It's gonna be lol when I start to realize more about now, and past my first paycheck.

What else is on my mind...Well, I don't really feel like being sad, but I feel a little bit of sorrow in me. Every time I see you, I think of a certain something, and it makes me sad. It makes me, lose hope. Actually, this pretty much applies to every one in my life. Maybe my optimism isn't good enough. Maybe my thoughts are just too overwhelming.

Uhhh, idk. I'm lonely right nao, so I was being boring. Sorry for wasting your time. Goodnight.

Manaloto, out.

Hmmmmm.

One look, and that's all I needed.

I think, I want to shut up for a little bit. Actually, a while.

Uhhh. Idk. I'm tired of this. Time to sleep. Night.

My aching bonnnnnes :D

It was supposed to be a D: but oh well. Hahaha.

Hmmm...Life has been pretty good for me lately. I've been getting closer to different people, and it is really nice. I really feel like I can connect with some people. It's nice, cause it's like, they understand. Haaha.

So today started out pretty gay...I woke up, and my elbow, my kneed, my back, my neck, my ankle, and my foot hurt. Isn't that whack? Whatever. Can't change it anyway.

So I showered, and got ready around 7. So I called Kim, and she said 5 minutes. Well, I walked outside, and waited there. For about...30 minutes. LOLOLOL. It's kay, we were gonna just miss first block, but then, as we sat in teh wal-mart parking lot, I noticed my throat started to hurt, and that my chronic tummy aches got worse. Idk. It sucked.

On the way to school, that's when we decided not to go to school. We just drove around, and talked, and rested. It was really nice talking to you, Kim. I was able to get so much stuff off of my chest. About things I can't really talk with much other people. It's funny, cause we had a lot of coincidental things happen today. HAHAHA.

"Have you ever c..." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

Hm, after school was rainy. GAY. Then we told Pokepuns. YEAH :D

Uhhhh. Picked up Tyler :D Then headed to ICC. Brother Mike always has such amazing messages. I definitely feel alot better about myself, and my faith. I want to elaborate, but if you would truly like to know, I'd gladly tell you IRL :D

Then we went to drop everyone off. In order to drop Heather off in time, I ran a red light, cut off two cars on a two lane road, going around 90 mph. Then sped down elbow at about 80. It was lol. Hahaha.

So yeah, pretty much the simplest way to put my day.

Today, I didn't talk to you. And I don't like that. I feel empty, like today wasn't as good as it could have been. It feels weird not hearing anything from you today. Hahaha.

Uhhhm, yeah. Time to sleep. Eating poptarts at 130 D:

Manaloto, OUT.

Man, I'm boring as shiz. I think I need to be sad more. SIKE. HAHA.

I want tomorrow to end already.

And it hasn't even started. Lololol.

tyler capil says (11:38:19 PM): what you doing
Kirbs da shizzle (11:38:29 PM): bout to
Kirbs da shizzle (11:38:30 PM): sleep
Kirbs da shizzle (11:38:33 PM): you?
tyler capil says (11:38:41 PM): reading
Kirbs da shizzle (11:39:10 PM): great gatsby?
tyler capil says (11:39:41 PM): yeah
Kirbs da shizzle (11:39:49 PM): Jay Gatz diez, LOLOLOL.
tyler capil says (11:39:57 PM): FUCK YOU
tyler capil says (11:39:59 PM): HAHAHA
Kirbs da shizzle (11:40:00 PM): HAHAHAAHHA
Kirbs da shizzle (11:40:02 PM): YOU DIDNT KNOW
tyler capil says (11:40:04 PM): WHYD YOU RUIN IT
Kirbs da shizzle (11:40:05 PM): AHAHAHA
Kirbs da shizzle (11:40:12 PM): You act like you're enjoying that book anyway
tyler capil says (11:40:19 PM): hahahaha
tyler capil says (11:40:20 PM): touche

HAHAH.

Hmmmm. Today was the first APICS meeting of the new school year! And I have one word that sums up its whole...

Monolithic. The group this year was ridiculously huge. It was craaaaazy. It was nice informing them about what's to come, and everything. I'm so excited, I can't even blog about it. Hahahah.

Hmmm...I guess it's time to sleep. There is no need for sad blogs right nao!




Manaloto, OUT!

Wow. Epiphany.

WOW. Every time you read this, Kirby Manaloto, you are going to go buck willlld.

OH SHIZ. I FORGOT IT ALREADY. HAHAHAH.

Uhhh....Oh yeah!

"It's because I am just a port. Nothing more. A port where people come and go. Where people get what they want, and then leave."

WOW. THAT WAS CRAZY. LOLOLOL.

NIGHT.

It's late.

I should be sleeping. Hahaha.

Hmmm.

Have you ever had words, on the tip of your tongue, or rather, on the tip of your fingertips, about to type, but you hear the words screaming in your mind, "No, Don't do it?"

Yeah, I hate that. A lot. I wish I was bold enough to say or type whatever was on my mind, with out caring about the reaction after. It's just hard to overlook that.

Idk what else to say....Hahaha. If I press Control + V right now, you guys will be able to see what I was about to say. What I wanted to say. What I hesitated to say. What I regretted not saying.

Well, this was a good lesson in the "It's better to regret saying something, then to regret not saying it at all." category.



Boogers. Time to sleep. Baba Ganoush. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I feel stupid. HAHAHAHA.

Manaloto, Out.

P.S. Shaving tomorrow morning! And APICS! Be hyped :]

I start alot of my blog's with I!

So self centered. HAHA.

Hmmm. I feel renewed, and refreshed. That really made me feel better.

Well, school's gonna be school, so I can't complain about the work. Hahaha.

Time for homework D:

MANALOTO, out :D

Table of elements.

First off, don't think that I'm overreacting. It may seem like such a small thing, but it has just helped me prove something I've been thinking about for a really long time now. It's also a reason why I dislike trying hard.

Trying hard, get's me no where. Seriously. I tried so hard in alot of things. Bboying, guitar, halo, singing, a lot of shit. But I don't get better. There will always be people to 1-up me, and continue to 1-up me, even after hard work. Why is it like that for me? What the hell. Seriously. Do I not try enough? What is it? I really wish I knew.

Maybe I don't try hard enough. I don't know. And as of now, I really don't care.

I want to go to the gym. I bet I'll never even get a good body. If I know anything about myself, I would have to say that no matter how hard I try, I won't get a nice body. I already know it. This sucks.

Layyyyyyying down time. Bye.

Is this what I've become?

After all of these years of steady growing up, and living, this is what I become. Wow.

I am so self-centered. I think I lack integrity. I think that I lie too, because I can't even tell about things inside of me.

You know what, let me stop right there. Things will just get worse. I am feeling like crap, when I don't have to. I know I'm doing SOMETHING write.

Wow, I spelled right wrong. Maybe I'm not. HAHAHAHA.

Oh well. I don't want to think right now. Whatever. Hahaha.

Manaloto, out!

Today was very :]

A day at school. That's already a :]

Everyday in Mr. Clark's class inspires me to become a psychologist. I feel like I would be able to answer a lot of things about my self, and other people around me, that I interact with. It would be nice to understand things that we see and think everyday. Hahahaha.

I also biked with everybody to Mt. Trashmore. Ohhhh man. What a journey. Amazing. Hahaha.

Then Bible Study. Oh man. Brother Mike, your words always are just so :D They give me hope, and help my faith grow. I love it.

Then I hung out with Tim and Francis! We took some cool pictures at the top of the parking garage :D

Annnnnd then....I came home....and read this.

9. I wish I could play guitar as well as you, Kirby.

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

I felt so cool. HAHA. It's nice people think I'm good! But my fingers always trip D: And there are a lot of better people around me. But, thanks for the compliment Elaine :D

Actually...I bet you're better than me at guitar. You DID beat me at tennis :[ And your sister beat me in pingpong D:

So saaaaaaaaaaaaad :[

Manaloto, out :D

Depression...begone!

So my wireless router broke...which means that I am back to using the computer here in the living room D:

And I was pissed cause I've been trying everything since around 8pm...when it is now 10:45pm...gay.

I was really pissed. I still have homework to do. Tomorrow is a bday, which means it's gonna suck.

But something that really changed my mood.... was this :D



Oh man, how I love biking with you guys. This is seriously one of the highlights of my life. I really think our videos look boring to everyone else, but to us, it means so much. It really is one of focus points right now. Hahaha.

Hmmm...well, I have to get started on homework. GAY. Goodnight! If you read this, please keep me company :]

Manaloto....out :D

I guess B-Days aren't so horrendous.

Did I spell that right? Idk.

Well, Math Analysis surely isn't as bad as it was last year. Because of the friends I now have in that class, I feel like I will be able to get an A, or something. Hahaha.

Oh, and study block with Ex-Ms. Smith isn't that bad. I just play dots with Darren. HAHAHA.

4th Block with Mean Mr. D. isn't TOO bad. I mean, he's really nice! It's just such a boring class. Oh yeah, and Kim is there :D

1st Block. How I despise you so. Ms. Kary, you're nice, but you suck. HAHAHAHA. Jaykay. I mean, I guess it could be worse.

After school was nice too! It's really fun hanging out with everybody, cause everyone is smiling and laughing. It's nice to know Senior Year is gonna be full of smiles :D

But you, sir, are making me mad. That tone of voice just pisses me off. Why are you going to act like that, when we are already inviting you. WHAT. THE. FREAK. Seriously. I have not been this irritated in so long.

"What are you doing today?"
"Does it matter?"
"...what? You want to ride bikes with us today? Do you have a bike? It'll be fu-"
"What? Me? Ride with you? What an honor."

It went like that, just more sarcastic, on your part. I was just so D: that I just left. What else am I supposed to say to you. You obviously don't want to listen to my BS. MAN. Seriously? I think you are acting like that, because you were sleeping, and we were just gonna leave Nghia's house. When you asked where we were going, I was the one who stayed back, and invited you. Told you to come with us. I even asked Nghia if he has an extra bike. I did all of that, so that you could come with us. But you are seriously going to act bitter like that? You're really changing. I don't like it. Vince was right. I really don't know what else to say. Maybe I was the wrong one in this situation. Go ahead and get mad at me. I don't really care anymore.

Well, after that, I laid down with my Mommy. It was really nice spending time with her. It makes me think of all of the times I could be with you, instead of with my friends. It really makes me want to cry. Mom, I love you. I'm sorry I'm such a bad and selfish son.

Hmm...Then we went bike riding again. Oh man. I am in love with bike riding. We rode so far. I don't want to bore you guys with the textual reenactment of my bike ride. Words cannot help you grasp the idea of how fun it was today.

Uhhhh...Then Manest! Really good message today. It just goes to show how much God influences your life, or at least SHOULD. And how we need to consider Him when we make decisions. We should choose our decisions that make Him happy, and not be so selfish.

Then the GYM. Same old. Same old. But...sauna :D

Okay. I'm boring. Hahaha. Goodnight!

Manaloto, OUT.

Making D:'s become :D

vincent palafox - 9:00pm
YOO

VIDEO'S ON YOUTUBE

Kirby Manaloto - 9:03pm
LINK PL0X

vincent palafox - 9:03pm
look up senior project day 1

Kirby Manaloto - 9:04pm
cant find it :[

vincent palafox - 9:09pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBvpXuzOZ6M

SAVES THE DAY


I believe everyone saved the day. Thanks for this amazing day guys.

And many more, right :D

Maaan.

The cycle continues.

The submission continues.

The BS continues.

The downs of life continue.

But I knooooow one thing.

The ups will continue.

It just takes time.

Offerings to the doomed.

Is a yu-gi-oh! card. HAHAHA.

Hmmm....

I always find myself asking, "What does he have, that I could never have given to you?" That question is constantly in my mind. No matter how much I've moved on, that was a question that was never answered. Why couldn't we work out? Was it from my personal faults, or yours? Or maybe insecurities? It's something I will never forget. Something that will stick in my mind until the day it is answered, or until the day I die.

I mean, I know we were always like uneasy, Hahaha. But I mean, when I left for Vegas, I really thought that when I came back, things would be perfect. But then, they weren't. I came back. Everything changed. It was like you just wanted to avoid me. It was really weird. I didn't like it. I couldn't do anything about it. Your mind was set. Then you found David.

I don't know David personally, but from what I have heard from you, he is a very good guy. I'm glad he treats you right, doesn't cheat or lie to you, and doesn't only want you for "the goods". At least, that's what you say. I just hope he treats you as well as you want. As long as lifes like that, then I'll be happy.

Maybe David has things that he can offer you, like love and compassion. Love and compassion that you did not see in me. Rather, wanted to see, or maybe didn't believe was not achievable with me. I don't mind if you thought/think that, because we are all humans, and are entitled to our own feelings and thoughts.

Though we never "loved" each other, I still consider you my first love. You changed me into the guy that I am today. Everything I did back then, change and everything, I did for you. I'm glad I did change, although it wasn't for myself. I would be alot more immature.

What I don't like though, is how you say we can't be "good friends" anymore. I mean, it's not I who is at fault. It is you. I am not the one who makes it weird. You're the one who has just become so different. You're so dismissive, and won't accept that things are different because of you, and some of the other girls. I don't want to put you all in the same ship, but some of you are. But I can't put the blame solely on you guys. I'm pretty sure us guys went wrong somewhere along the line.

Idk. I don't know where I am going with this, nor will you ever read this. I don't think I used nor right. Hahaha.

I just wish we could have a nice conversation about this. I'd much rather want that, then to run various scenarios of "maybe this is the reason why" throughout my head. I want to make things right. I want to be a friend of yours again. Someone you can go to and have a nice talk with, or go to for help. I am here for you, and I want you to know.

Wendelyn Flores Chan, why didn't we work out?

Goodnight. Manaloto, out.

Second Day of Schooz

It was pretty nice outside today! And it was a B day. So first block sucked. And so did second block first half. But third block, with Ms Lucas again, did not really faze me much. In fact, it encouraged me. It encouraged me that she said it was stupid of me to not take it last year. It encouraged me that I am now more mature, and I am actually looking forward to learning in Math analysis this year. Maybe it's just the excitement of first days? Hahaha. Idk.

Most importantly, my mother is home and safe now. Man. Coming home and seeing her car in the driveway, was the greatest feeling in the world. At that moment, I felt everything in my world shake, and calm down immediately. I loved it. I love you mom :D

Uhhhh, I just got back from Bible Study too! It was nice going to a different Bible Study tonight. I met new people, and also read and talked about the bible differently. It was a really good boost of faith. I'm glad I came home late. Hahaha.

Hmmmmm....I'm till scared to grow up. But I've been feeling encouraged to go to college. Let's do something with our lives, yeah?

Manaloto, out :D

First Day of Schooz

As an old man D:

I can't believe I'm a senior. I feel too old. Like I didn't belong at all, when I was at school. HAHA.

Man, today was sweet yo! I really can't say anything bad happened today. Well, at school, at least. Haha.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. What else is there to say?

Idk. Don't really want to be negative and vent out right now. So I guess...goodnight?

UNTIL TOMORROW. THE FIRST B DAY :D

Summer 2009.

So this summer, was amazing. I lived it up so much. Out everyday, just chillin. Being with the people I love. I really don't know what I can say about this summer. There is just too much.

I have become friends with new people, I have opened myself up more to new faces. It's hard to explain. So many things have changed. I'm am just in awe. I don't know what to say.

So many things have happened to me. From California, to becoming 17, too much to say.

It's really scary you know, jumping out of summer, and becoming a student again. Most especially, now becoming a senior. You have no clue, how scared I am. I am scared out of my mind. I just want to break down and cry, and beg an plead, and just stay this age forever. But you can't, you know? You just have to grow up. And it's scary.

As much as I would like to sum up my whole summer, I know I can't. I'd talk for days, and still be on day one. Hahaha.

But here is something I would like to say to each and everyone of you, reading this. Believe everything I say, cause this is all from the heart.

Everyone, thank you for the best summer of my life. Thanks for being there, when I was sad, for being there to laugh our asses off. Thanks for keeping me going, when I felt down. Thanks for keeping me sane. Thanks for making me laugh. Thanks for the memories. Thanks for the love. Thanks for the times we spent eating 49 cent cones. Thanks for the times we sang really loud in my car. Thanks for believing in me. Thanks for all those times we all watched movies together. Thanks for all the moments, where you guys showed me you cared. Thanks for being there to talk to at night. Thanks for being there when we webcammed, so I wouldn't be lonely. Thanks for going to the GYM with me. Thanks for singing and playing guitar with me. Thanks for all those times we sat around at someones house, wondering what to do. Thanks for still being my friend. Thanks for understanding. Thanks for being there, when I fall back. Thanks for the hope you give me. Thanks for all the smiles you gave me. Thanks for being my friends. Thanks for the best summer, I could ever ask for, honestly.

I love you guys. Thanks for making my life, the best it has ever been.

Haha. Too much tears right now. I get really emotional when I think about this.

Well, we still have the school year, right? Let's have the greatest times of our lives, because you only live once!

Goodnight guys, see you tomorrow :D

Becoming a monster.

Times when I feel apathetic, I love it.
Times when I feel pissed, I hate it.

Idk man. I feel like, I'm just going to let the world play its course on me. Just live. I want to not care about a lot of things. I just want to be worry free. I want a lot, and sometimes too much.

Let's see how you play this out. Cause right now, I am just a pawn. I don't want to be the player.

Pawn sounds like prawn.

:D

Boogers.

Appreciation!

D:

Because my fans asked for it.

I think I'm going to start listening to my own advice. I hate feeling discouraged, or sad, and making people feel the same way.

I need to start smiling and laughing more, and stop worrying.

This is my senior year, I have to be happy all the time, and make this year the best year of my life. Idk. We'll see :D

Summers almost done niggggggggggggaz. Let's have a 30 hour party before the first day of school :D

Manaloto, out!

Oh man.

The Pillows always make my day.



I want to be good at a lot of things. I want to be good at Halo, and singing, and guitar, and bboying.

I need to stop being lazy.

Time to be someone.

GYM soon! Bye :D

Soooooooooo.

My previous blog, before I deleted it, was very, blah.

All it said was "fuck you" a couple times.

I don't know what to do anymore man. I'm tired of this constant pang. It's just D:

Idk maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

Someone, make things right. I know I can't. I'm too imperfect.

I want to live a life.

Where hype lasts forever.

Where everything I do with my friends is memorable.

Where I can make an impact on someone else's life. Not just bad things, but a positive impact.

Where people remember me as someone important.

Where I can laugh everyday.

Where the world is a better place.

Where people can rely on me.

Where I have more confidence.

Where I can get things done.

Where I am a man.

Where love is plentiful.

Where love is infinite.

Where love is real.

Where people are nice.

Where there are examples of generosity everywhere.

Where I was a super hero.

Where I could fight crime, and have cool powers.

Where I dream every night.

Where dreams become real.

Where I wasn't scared to grow up.

Where I wasn't on the edge of becoming an adult.

Where I wasn't constantly worrying.

Where I am happy to be young.

Where I am young in my heart, forever.

The motivation.

To do anything, all the momentum for this school year, for myself, and to become better, has just completely stopped.

Everything is just shattered, and I'm too lazy to do anything to fix it. I always need people to push me now. To do anything D:

Idk. I hope I can do something before school starts. Or else...















I'm fucked D:









Goodnight.

My eye sight

WTF. I THINK I''M GOING BLIND WTF.

On the other hand, I took a really nice pee.

On the third hand, I messed up my shirt today.

On the fourth hand, I have Final Fantasy 7 to play.

On the fifth hand, Aeris died.

On the sixth hand, I can play guitar pretty loud right now.

On the seventh hand, I suck.

On the eighth hand, Iron Monkey was a good movie.

On the ninth hand, I shot my leg with a beebee gun.

On the tenth hand, Jesse Barrera is playing in the background.

On the eleventh hand, I can't sing or play as good as him. Nor will I ever.

On the twelfth hand, I feel somewhat better.

On the thirteenth hand, I am still a bitch D:

This is truly a sign

That I don't belong anymore. Haha.

Idk. Things always become D:

I'm scared, but not of that. It's way bigger than that. Goodnight.

Man. I'm a terrible person. A terrible friend. Just a bitccccccccccccccccch.

Falllse.

When you are completely innocent, and accused of something wrong, it sucks. Hahaha.

The thing is, the "evidence" can't get any worse. So many signs that point to what's not the truth. And it sucks. I am going to do everything in my power to clear your name. I will do anything it takes.

I am sorry, Lyanne.

I take things to seriously.

That's the card you want to play? Hahaha. You make me laugh.

Well guys, we only have 7 days of summer left :[

Let's do something!

All my life.

I have felt worthless. Like I'm nothing. Like a piece of trash. Someone disposable. Someone you'd use for a little, and then forget about. Just trash. Someone that you can stomp all over, and not even care. Someone to spit on, to call names, to just treat like doodoo. Like I didn't matter.

But recently, I've been feeling better about myself. So many people now a days, seem to give me hope. Like, people do think good of me. People do think I am a pretty good guy. And I don't believe it sometimes.

But honestly, to everyone that believes in me, Thank You. So much. You guys, are wonderful.

Like people have been telling me what they thought of me before they met me. And it is so funny. I love it. HAHAHA. It makes me happy to be me.

To look in the mirror and say, "You know what Kirby, you're not that bad looking."

To sing and think, "You know what Kirby, you don't sing that bad."

To do alot of things. It's nice.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I just feel really good right now. Hahaha.

Oh yeah, and to you my friend, you are the strongest person I know. I don't get how you can be so strong, after all that has happened to you. I am proud that you are going to be the valedictorian. You are the most amazing person I have met.

Well, idk what else to say. goodnight!

I think everything...

that's been happening to me is a sign. A sign that I need to just let things pass, and let God do what he plans.

From now on, I want to just fall back, and let God take over.

Time for church. Bye.

Aeris' theme.

Opened up the doorway to my flaws. And those words too. And these thoughts.

I think I have lost a lot of hope in myself.

A lot of hope that I had been growing for the past couple days and weeks. The courage to be someone. To just change, and become someone better.

But I feel like all of that has vanished. Like, I am just back at square zero. Like, maybe all the negative thoughts I always think will come true one day.

But I don't even care. I feel like I won't even care about myself at all when that time comes. Cause I surely am losing hope right now.

I wish I could be more positive. I wish that someone held my hand throughout my whole life. To guide me through everything. To make things easier. I think, I am just too emotional.

I wish I was more like you. Calm and cool, and just not having a care in the world.

I don't know what to do. I wish I wasn't such a fag sometimes.

Goodnight Universe.

So that's where.

MAN. The past two days of my life have been crazy. Just packed with fun, everywhere. Oh man.

Friday, we went to Water Country USA. Went to sleep around 5AM, and awoke at 8AM to pick everybody up. On the way there. we listened to music, and just sang our hearts out. Being in SD, I missed singing in my car the most. When we arrived there, I had to pay some parking shiz, so I was officially broke. Hahah.

The wave pool was warm yo! It was gross. I felt like I saw swimming in lard/pee/luke/pubic hair. So gross. And some of it went in my mouth D: HAHAH. On the way back, it sarted raining hard, leaving us in an about 10 mile car back up. 2 hours traffic D:

Then we went to Lyanne's! Free food, from her nice parents :D And then we jammed! SO FUN.

THEN, we went to ICC. The perfect way to end any night. I learned more about myself, and about what I can do. I learned more about Jesus, and some things I should start doing. ICC is always so welcoming, and it really hits the spot. Haha. Then we played UNO. OHMYGOSH. I NEVER KNEW UNO WAS SO FUN. THE BEST GAME IN THE WORLD. I'M GONNA LIVE FOR EVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!

That was Friday. Today is Saturday!

THE SOCIAL WAS AMAZING. HOLY CRAP. 10 TIMES BETTER THAN I EXPECTED.

Met new people, re-met other people, ate, sang, danced, chilled. So much fun. Got to see all these people I haven't seen in so long, and also see new faces! BOOMCHICKABOOMBOOM WAS AMAZING. And the ting game! But too many bees D:

It just shows what we have ahead for us this schoolyear!

Be hyped. I am :D

Actually...

Nothing on Earth right now can equal up to these in levels of importance:

One Piece Chapter 555. FML COME OUT ALREADY.
Halo 3.
Job.
Money.
GYM.
College.
Changing.
MONEY.
MONEY.
Clothes.
MONEY.
BAbomban TUkirby CAtyler DAdarryl.
Change.
Sleep to drive tomorrow!
COMMISSARY. SO SCARED.
Idk.
I want to sing right nao. I want to get better.
FF7.

There is nothing more I want, than to become an amazing musician. It discourages me how there are already so much better people than me, be it natural talent or the will to work hard. It makes me sad. Hahaha.

I have to get better on my own now. Just like everything else. But it'd be nice if anyone could help me :D

Idk. One Piece, PLEASE HURRY.

LOLOLOLOL

Today was really fun! I liked it alot. Annnd....AP ENV IS ALMOST DONE YEAH :D



Goodnight :D

It seems like...

My life in Virginia really is getting worse and worse. I really can't handle this shit much longer. Tired of dealing with this unfairness and you're unjust words. I honestly don't feel like a family member anymore. I don't know what to say. Family has been so important to me. But you say I don't appreciate the shit you do for me? Fuck. You don't even treat me like a son. You treat my sister more like family, more than me. You guys obviously have a favorite child. Haha.

I am so pissed off. Like, I'm not even going to approach you guys and say sorry. You have to do something about it. I'm tired of my pride being crushed, in my own fucking household.

Wow. Hahaha. This is fucking gay.

I'm gonna get out mah house after I do my paperwork. Bye guys.

P.S. Can anyone let me stay at their place tonight :D

Cut me deep like surgery yo.

Lyanne Buela - 2:37am
B0$$ like.

HAHAAHAHAHAH

No not Boss

its

B0$$

Kirby Manaloto - 2:37am
8055 lik3

Lyanne Buela - 2:38am
EW

GTFO

WHO ASKED YOU TO PUT IN NUMBERS

WTF

Kirby Manaloto - 2:38am
STFU

You know what,

I'm done.

Lyanne Buela - 2:38am
YOU LOOK LIKE A DOUCHEBAG

Kirby Manaloto - 2:38am
Bye.

Lyanne Buela - 2:38am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

8055

HAHAHAHAHAHHAAH

WTF IS THAT

HAHAHAHAHHAHa

thats like

80085

Youre an immature little dweeb, Kirby Manaloto.

Lyanne Buela - 2:39am
I know you're just waiting for me to level done from my B0$$ status.

Lyanne Buela - 2:39am
It's not going to happen.

Sorry, Kirby.

The B0$$ is in the hizzle bizzle.

Lyanne Buela - 2:40am
And The B0$$ isnt going anywhere.














:[

After saying goodnight.

I just realized something.

What the fuck am I doing. I need to do something about myself, and a lot of other things

DANG YO.

Reminder for the next couple millenniums...





Kirbssss, you gotta change.

Listening to My American Heart.

Reminds me of last summer. How I was so deeply in thought about Wendy all the time. HAHA. Man, that concert was amazing. I wish I could go back in time.

Oh yeah, first night back in Virginia! It feels nice to be home, but I miss the fam, yo! Also, I feel uneasy about alot of things happening now, and things coming up. It's scary, but I have found myself becoming more and more apathetic lately. I think that's bad. Oh well.

Wait, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT WAS A PERFECT EXMAPLE. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

I'm hungry too :[ Oh well. Haha.

It's really scary, thinking about how this is my last summer as a high school kid. That means that next summer, I'm 18, and I'm a freaking adult. WTF is that. Seriously. I am so scared. This school years gonna be crazy, but don't want it to end. Honestly. Being a kid is the only think I really know how to do.

Man, My American Heart really hits the spot. And some Daphne Loves Derby. Always gets me thinking man. Hahaha,

Well, time to do my nightly rounds of dicking around, so, goodnight blogspot.

See you in a while, crocodile :]

Wow.

You would kick me out of the room to lay down, and then leave 2 minutes later.

Wow. You have no clue, how annoying today has been.

Cousin lovinnnng!

AHAHAH



These are pictures from the first night I met some of my cousins. It was amazing. Hahahaha. We all told embarrassing stories about ourselves. I told them about when I pooped at Nghia's, and picked it up and chased people around with it. Also when I ran around naked. Hahaha.

Man. Now that they're gone, and my trip is coming to an end, I am becoming depressed. Hahaha. I feel my heart and face getting heavier. I don't have the urge to shop anymore. The urge that I have had since the beggining of summer. I don't even care about me getting the job at the comissary. I just want to relive this trip over and over again.

I have changed so much over my vacation. It was amazing. The next reunion is 2 years from now D: But it's gonna be in VA BEACH. HOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLA.

My performance was mediocre. I know I can do better, but my voice is always uglier when it matters. Sucks. Hahaha. I got to sing Simple Starving To Be Safe with my mother :D

I also got a sweet Santos Family Shirt yo. And I still have my lei If that's how you spell it. Hahaha. ANNNNND I won a "Golden Santos Award" for being "The Mama's boy...who sings." HAHAHA. Oh yeah, and my Auntie Gigi and her daughters Rachel and Michelle always called me cute. Usually, comments from family feel empty, because they have to comlimnent you cause you are family. But I knew when they said it, they meant it. I could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices yo! Hahaha.

Man.

The highlight of my summer?

The first ever, Santos Family reunion. Hands down.

Goodbye everybody! I'll see the Virginia Beach heads tomorrow :D

Never has there ever been a day.

As important as August 22nd, 2009.

This day has changed my life. I will never forget the first ever "Santos Family Reunion"

Over the past 3 days and nights, I have met more and more of my family. I take back all the words I said about San Diego. Well actually, maybe not. I am just happy to have met all of this family.

Out of everyone I met, the most important people I met were my Auntie Gigi's son and daughters.

My life will never be the same because of my cousins Francis, Angelo, Michelle, and Rachel.

Man.

I don't want to leave. I don't want my family to go home. I want to stay here forever. With everyone. I noticed how I let things like this easily pass me by. I love my family. Family is so important. Man.

I am just going to be so depressed when I get back to Virginia Beach. Hahaha.

Goodnight guys.

Two of the most important people in my life.

I have soiled such beautiful things in my life. I have lost all innocence. I have probably ruined everything between me and two important people in my life. I felt like being here in San Diego would help me get my mind off of it, and I wouldn't have to worry about it until I get back.

Well, I think I messed up everything. Hahaha. Soooo when I get back...it is going to be the fall of Kirby Manaloto.

Shoot. Not much I can do but think, and be excited to work. Oh yeah, and to be lonely. I love being lonely :D

Sike. Shiz yo. I miss mah frans.

Moving On by My American Heart is playing on my iPod. I think this song is really relating to me right nao. Except for the mid west part.

Bye guys. Have fun in VA.

I have never.

Had such a good cry session in so long.

You should really listen to my song. Maybe it will touch you, in places it touched me. HAHA.

I think this is the time where I start to let somethings go, but also re-attach myself to things I once had before.

I think when it comes to friends now, Andrew told me how he has no one to talk to everyday. I think I know how he feels, just not as much. I don't really have anyone to talk to anymore, which I guess is fine. I don't really care if I'm not important to anyone 100 percent of the time. At least I have time with some people.

I also think that when I get back from San Diego, I don't want to hang out with you guys anymore. I've been becoming more and more uncomfortable around you guys. I think maybe I need a break, or I need to find new people to hang out with.

I started all of my paragraphs with I. I hope this one's diffe....oops.

I really don't know what to say right now. I should start packing soon. It would be nice to have company, but I don't want to develop any sort of autophobia. I guess I should get more used to being alone. I mean, I'm alone alot, even when I don't have to be. And I complain to myself about it. But maybe, things are better this way. I guess I just haven't found any friends to really open up to about this feeling.

I don't know. I'm still young. And so is everyone else. We graduate in 10 months. I better set some thing straight with myself.

I need to start packing. Thanks for your time, whoever reads my blogs.

Bai :]

San Diego in one day!

And I'm still stressing about what song to play.

I think I'm gonna play She Loves Me So, by Anthony Green, but, only three people have heard it. That would be JC, Ria, and Adrian! Unless Elaine was secretly there when she was paused. HAAH.

But they said it sounded pretty good.

But still, I don't know if I should do a different song. I wanna bring a lot of energy to the reunion, to show that the MANALOTO BLOOD IS THE MOST SUPERIOR IN THE LAND OF TODAY.

So...idk. Suggestions please? And I guess, if I wanna get better at singing, I need to show it more. If you wun hear my cover of it, ask me, and I'll play it for you :D

Daniel's back in town :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

So GYM at 2 :DDDDDDDDDD

Tell yo friends about me!

Look at this kid!

Man, I bet you're just waiting for me to strike out, aren't you? That's garbage. Really, really gay. Go ahead already. Just fucking take it. I'll give it to you, just take it. I don't even care anymore.

Man, I bet I look like a psycho, foreal foreal.

Cause of my blog.

So many ups and downs WTF. HAHAHA.

Maaaaaaaaaaaan. Whatever. Shoot. Hahaha.

I don't know what to believe anymore. Just give me the facts, and quit fucking around the bush.

Gay. Hahaha.

Time to start my day right :D

I think I should!

Start breathing more. I need to start breathing, and start calming down, before I post anything here. I feel like everyone sees the "inside my mind at the moment" part, and doesn't really get to see who I am. I am such a happy guy, but there are times, where my mind gets the best of me.

I really need to start changing things, huh?

Thank you for reading my blogs, and for caring, to anyone who honestly does read and care about my life.

It really means alot to me. And thanks for trying to help, if you try. That means alot to me too.

I think brushing my teeth, and just looking at myself in the mirror really just, cleared somethings for me, even if temporarily.

I think I know what I'm gonna sing when I have to play a song in San Diego.

Never have your lyrics ever touched me until now, Anthony Green. HAHAA. I hope I don't butcher your song, or the audiences ears at my family reunion.

I really don't know what else to say. Man, I'm boring. Hahaha.

Goodnight, guys and gals.

I

am fucking tired of your bullshit, Kirby Manaloto.

Never in my life.

Has leaving Virginia seemed so good. I have never wanted to just fucking leave, more than right now. FUCK.

Man, I'm glad I'm leaving. I hope you guys have the time of your lives when I'm gone. Not just for me, but for you guys.

Man, I hope you're blooming.

Cause right now I'm bursting.

I should be public enemy number one.

I am the biggest fucking hypocrite on Earth.

Wow. Fuck dude.

I am a big, dumbass, jerk.

I think it's time, to put things in line.

WOW. FUCK DUDE. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

THERE IS NOTHING ELSE ON MY MIND THEN THE NEED TO PEE AND THE WORD FUCK, JUST RESONATING THROUGH MY HEAD. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

I knew it, and I knew I would feel this way. I just wanted to finally hear it.

I'm not even ready to stop hurting. I want to know more. Fuck it.

FUCK.

Man, I said fuck so much. Sorry. Goodnight.

Face of deceit.

Why must you always have that face up? To be someone you aren't? Why do you do that. It's really annoying. I guess that's why I get annoyed at you. Hahaha.

MAN. My back hurts so bad, my neck hurts so bad, and I bet I have crazy morning voice D:

I went to sleep at 7 D: But last night was pretty lulllllz :D

Well, time to start my day right.

With smiles, friends, and the Gym :D

SO FREAKING CUTE WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I should stop overthinking things.

I think I just need more apathy in my life.

Why should I care about you anyway. I'm only important to you some of the time. And I don't like that.

Can you feel?

Man. 17Again was a really good movie. I have also come to the conclusion that...

Zac Efron is the hotest dude on Earth. With him on the planet, how can there be any hopes for guys like us D:

Perfect Hair.
Perfect Body.
Perfect Facial Structure.

Shoooot yo. My inspiration yo. HAHAHA.

Nights like this, I'd just like to sneak out. and run away for a little. Wouldn't it be nice? I don't have any money, so that holds me back.

I don't really have much else to say in maaah blog, so bai bai! FarmVille time :D

Can you feel? Can you feel that Hybrid Rainbrow?

Wow, it's late!

I don't like how you're keeping things from me.

It makes me mad. Hahaha.

Oh well. We're all human, so we're entitled to secrets.

You wanna know something cool? I have secrets too. And I ain't gonna tell you shit.

You too. I think you're the reason I'm stuck in this rut. You're my friend, but it makes me mad how you're the reason why. I won't tell you shit either. I hope you end up happy. I don't think I should influence your life then, in order to get what you want. To end my influence on you, I think I should stop talking to you, until you get what you want.

You think I don't know, but I do. I do, don't even think for a second I don't.

It's late, I'm hungry. I went to the GYM today :D

I hope something groovy happens tomorrow.

6 More days till San Diego. This is either gonna be FML or Hooray!

Something always happens when I leave for vacation. Hopefully it isn't anything bad this time.

I'm hungry D: Oh well.

So long, Universe :D

The next sad post is gay?

Well, what about something about aggravation? Hahaha.

I get aggravated how you go in my room and do stuff while I'm gone.

I get aggravated when you act two faced towards me.

I get aggravated at how we're not as good friends as we should be.

I get aggravated because you just seem to be the fuel for all of my jealousy.

I get aggravated cause I don't seem like much of a good friend anymorez.

I get aggravated because I can't seem to get reach you.

I get aggravated because I feel like I hurt you, but I don't want to admit it.

I get aggravated at the pressure I feel when it comes to you.

I get aggravated cause I don't have that "family" like you guys do.

I get aggravated cause people get mad at me for things that I wouldn't make a big deal out of.

I feel better now. I want to go to the GYM! But I have no energy. I ate 5 bananas today. FUHYO. My tummy hurt so bad. And now, I feel sleepy, and hungry.

Time to eat, then halo, perhaps?

Baai Baaaaai :]

NEGATIVITY D:

You know what? Fuck being negative. Waste of my time, fuuuhyo.

Reading Eileen's newly created blog, sort of slapped me in the face. You know, I really am one of the happiest people in the world. I have a loving family, a home to sleep in, and good friends.

Who cares if I'm not skillful? I probably have improved, it's just that, you guys are still progressing, more and more also. I just have to keep up with you guys, Andrew, Tyler, Bomban, and Daywoo. I just need to keep trying.

Maybe I'm just negative on blogspot, cause I become lonely? I shouldn't feel so lonely. I know I'm not.

Hahaha. You know what, fuck negativity. Excuse my French. Haha.

I guess I am pretty decent at alot of things! And I am somewhat good looking, or so I'm told, yet still do not believe. Hahaha.

I'm going to go to sleep smiling goodnight. Watch me.

Goodnight :]

I sense.

No improvement in any aspect of my life.

I felt like I was getting somewhere, but today just showed me how slow I've been to learn and progress in anything.

"Better late than never" is something a lot of people say. I think it's true, but...

I believe I am always just too late.

My timing at everything sucks. I don't like to believe in luck too much, but I'm pretty lucky.

Lucky at being unlucky, if luck has any influence is this world.

I am doodoo at halo. I guess I will never be the best in VB, or the World.

I am doodoo at guitar and singing. I'm just not blessed.

I always suck and lose in any type of competition. I'm just not suited for being competitive.

I also have a low self esteem. Hooray.

Maaaan. How can I even learn to improve or change anything about my life? I don't know.

I have no clue what to type no moaaar. BaiBai!

Man.

I feel so down, but the moment my mind is off of you and You, I feel so much stronger. I feel energy flow through my veins again.

Why can't I feel this way, for both you and You, and everything else around me.

Whoaaaa, I'm feeling so, enlightened right now, I don't know if it's because of me wanting to, or if You're doing something to me. Please, help me, in any way possible.

I'm the best!

At making a mess of things.

Fuuuuh. I don't even feel sad anymore. I just feel dumb. Wow. All this time, I thought I knew. But I didn't know shit.

Maybe, I should start to question everything. Everything in the back of my mind. I hate this fucking mind. I always think of shit, that shouldn't matter. Then I make it matter. Whatthefuck.

Wow. I feel so, shitty. Woooooooooow. This has got to be, a whole new low I have ever reached. I honestly don't think I've ever reached lower. I need something to cling to. Something to make me feel better.

I need a better version of myself. I need hope for the future.

So close, I can feel it. But now, I'm falling back, so fast.

Waaaah.

It's easier for you.

A lot easier for you! Cause no one expects you to do something. You're just the shadow that lurks, when the spot lights on me. The little rat scurrying back and forth, as I am being pierced. Pierced by the eyes of the spectators. Pierced like an arrow, straight through my heart.

It's like you are the moon. Everyone sees one side of you. But I am the astronaut. I introduced you. I brought you into our lives. I made you the magical thing you are now. I have seen and do see all sides of you. I know the truth.

At least I think I know you. Hah, I prolly don't. But how could I, a mere human being, truly understand one's actions and thoughts.

Expectations, and predicting and anticipating someones actions surely do make life hard. And sometimes annoying.

Wow, I can say this about 2 things right now. Actually, more than that. I think I can say that for pretty much everything in my life.




I zun know. I don't feel sad or mad tonight. I like it. But I'm not happy, so I don't like it! I guess it's because Tyler went to sleep early, and everyone else on AIM I feel like I annoy. Actually, I think I annoy everybody. Hahaha. Shoot.

Maybe, you aren't the shadow, or the moon. Maybe you are the certain of attention, and I am just failing at trying to steal that from you. Maybe I'm the moon and the shadows. Yeah, that's probably it. How could I expect to steal you from your throne anyway.

The moon looks pretty nice tonight anyway, I hope I was a pretty good nice person toooooo.

Oh yeah, I learned alot of new songs on guitar. Hooray me. Now I just need an uncrappy voice, and I'd feel better.

So.

Many. Thoughts. Running. Through. My. Mind. What. Is. Wrong. And. What. Is. Right. I. Am.
































Terrified.

In response to JC's dream.

Here is mine. Mine was intense yo, it was like the end of the world.

Me and all of my friends were at a party at Ronnie's house. We were all rich and stuff, and drinking champagne. And then, me, Vincent, Nesly, and Spencer went to the store to buy more champagne. On the way back to Ronnie's, we were riding this big white van, used to paint peoples houses. Upon the arrival at Ronnie's house, we went past the security guards. I looked back as we went up the driveway in the van, and saw them respond to their walkie talkies. They then took out rocket launchers, and shot around 8 missles at us. 3 of them hit. All the times we got hit, I felt like I was about to die. I was screaming, and cussing, and crying, and holding onto Vicnent. Our van flipped near all the other guys, lined up against a wall. As we emerged from the wreck, I saw helicopters and huge robots stopping on guests, and shooting us all with missles. I look back to see one of Vincent's hypebeast friends (lololol) cower in fear. I then jumped into his car, through a like, 5 inch window. I yelled to get in. He look back at me with tears, and nodded his head. We drove off, and were on the highway. I could hear the screams of dying people and explosions in the distance. I was in the backseat crying, from what I saw. Vincent's friend, then told Vincent to look under the seat. Vincent had an Uzi. I was like WTF, that wont do anything, are you stupid. Vincent then proceeded to shoot his gun out the window. When he shot it, I could see a health bar, and his ammount of ammo. It was pretty lol. Then beside us, pulled up Nesly and Luke, inside of a pick up truck. There were a bunch of people in his truck, nice and safe. We then got to Lynnhaven Mall, and I had to drive Vincent's friends car. I then asked Julie to call her mom, and ask where I could park, for VIP. HAHA. I parked in a spot, that we used to drop my mom off at work. We then went to the fountain area. I got lost, from everybody, cause Ronnie wanted to go to Gamestop, which was on the third floor. I proceeded to the movie theatre, with some guy from my freshman Biology class. He was fat and white, and a stoner. LOLOLOL. Me and him then bought our tickets for a movie, a movie that was similar to what I was dreaming earlier. Ironically, in my dream, I had no money, just like real life. HAHAHA. Well, he paid for my ticket, and a new cell phone I wanted. It was like a date. He told me, "I'll pay for you. Remember that time at McDonalds?" and winked at me. I was like...yeah? HAHAHA. And then, we went to this new store in Lynnhaven Mall. It was like, a skate/anime clothing store. I bought a Flapjack cardboard cutout. I looked back into the hallway of the store, and found the bathroom. I saw the door. As I opened it, I felt my right hand twich. I looked up, and I was awake, with my right arm in the air. Hahaha.

After the awe of my crazy dream, I looked to my right, and saw my laptop open. I moved my finger on the pad, to wake it up. To my expectations, my farm was full of Pumpkins.

Farmville is amazing :D

Too many nights in a row.

Man, I feel so refreshed, and renewed now, thanks to that talk I had with a woman I met today, named Auntie Tes. She is a very devout Catholic, and it was nice having all of my questions answered about Catholicism.

But today at ICC, I also felt renewal. I learned more about, why Christ died, and other things about Jesus Himself.

Out of everyone I have learned from today about religion, it has to be Daniel, who helped me grasp certain ideas the best. The way you can explain things, and also your story telling, really reach out to me, and keep me thrilled. You really have also become someone who has guided me spiritually, as well as Nesly. Thank you. I honestly could not say I wouldn't be the same without you.

After all that I've learned today, I respect Catholicism and its traditions more. But for me to come back, and stay a Catholic, I am too unsure about as of now. Right now, I am still on my religious journey. Well, still in the babysteps page.

And also, I want to say something about you. I want to say it to your face, but I don't know if I have the guts to do it. So I'll be a punk, and say it on blogspot.

I cause you trouble. Don't wait for me. I am just holding you down. I am a bad man, stay away from me. I won't cause you anything but heartache. Find someone else to love.

I guess that's what I should, but I'm too scared to actually say it. Idk. I guess, this is just something else I must look into, as well as my spiritual and religious journey. I'm scared.



Goodnight!


OOOOOOPS.






:D

All of the sadness.

Has returned for one moar night. After this night, I'm fucking done. I'm tired of this bullshit.

Perfect day! Perfect night! Fucking gay now.

I suddenly feel like a bad person. Isn't that just the best way, to top off the day, huh?

For everyone I have wronged, I am sorry. I will change myself, if anything at all.

I hate short blogs. I hate showing everyone my sorrow. But this is the only way I can really pour my emotions out. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Don't try to talk to me, out of pity, because you have read this, please. I'm better off learning for myself, then being pitied.

If you read this and think, what a fag, then you're right. My bad.

I wish I was younger. I wish I was carefree.

FUCK. I hope you have a goodnight, cause I sure am not. Bye.

Cut deep.

Time to sleep.

Baibai.

Malice is just as bad as sadness.

No matter how much I wanna yell "Fuck you. And you too. And you, expecially."...



I can't do it. I feel like my tongue is being held back. I feel myself getting cotton mouthed, I'm running out of saliva in my mouth. My heart is beating faster. I feel shaking. I feel my breath getting heavier.

I don't know what else to say, but, good luck. I'm fucking done. Can't take this shit any longer. I want to disappear from everyone's lives for a bit. Or at least go back in time, when I was younger. Or something. Shit.

I'm getting worked up over shit I can't change, shit I don't want to accept. What's wrong with me. I need to chill.

Baaaaaaaaaaaai Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai.

I don't like thinking hard.

It's summer time. We have the time of our lives, then the day becomes shit. Isn't that gay?

Well, anyone who wants someone to talk to, and feels sad, just know that you can talk to me, or anyone of us. We're all family.

I don't like how everyone's getting sad. It seems like everybody has problems, they don't want to address. Why? Think about why we aren't asking help from each other? Are we too scared? Are we too prideful? Idk. Maybe it's just me. Hahaha.

I don't like when the people I love are hurting. If we don't have a legit reason to hurt, then stop and talk to someone.

Idk. I probably didn't help anybody. Guuudnight.

I now know.

I finally accepted the source of my infinite sadness, that continually pours from my face late at night. I knew it before, but closed my eyes to the fact I was sad.

Oh well. I don't really care anymore. I zun know what to do, so what should I do. I shouldn't get all worked up about something I can't change, or shouldn't care about.

Having a selfish mind sucks. Time to change that, I suppose.

I guess...I should go play halo. Or guitar. Something to soothe this heart of mine.

Oh yeah, I have a job! I guess that makes me feel somewhat better :]

Need to Succeed!

How can I succeed, if I don't even know if I'm spelling it right. AAHAHA.

Man. I wish I had a Green voice. Or a Owens voice. Or a Bemis voice. I see kids all on youtube, and call them scrubs, cause I think they suck.

But shoot man, who am I to talk. Hahaha. I don't even like my own voice. I can't even stand practicing, cause I don't like it. Hahaha.

I wish I was blessed with a Godly voice yo. Oh well. I guess I just have to work hard...


















WHACK D:

Stuck in this rut!

Is it rut? I think it's spelt differently. Isn't it spelled, not spelt? And I think Isn't is not a legit contraction. Shoooooooooot.

Sometimes God backs you up into a corner, to show you that you need Him. That He is all you've got. That without Him, you have nothing. He backs us into the corner so we beg and plead for Him, to be desperate for His Love. I think, I'm not desperate enough. I don't hunger or thirst for His Love enough.

Man, last Friday at First Emmanuel Baptist Church hit me. It hit me hard.

I'm slowly backing into this corner. I feel it. Pray for me, I'll pray for myself too. Waaaaah. I'll pull through.

Time for another sad one, yall.

It seems like everyone's "theme" for sadness, is being alone. All of us feel alone. We feel alone when we think the bad things we think. Maybe it's just me, trying not to feel so alone. Fuck this keyboard, so fucking sticky. Fuck dude.

I always say, surround yourself with the people you love, the people who make you smile. If you do that, problems will be small, no matter how tall.

Recently, even though I've been around the people I love, I still feel alone. But when I'm with you, I know you care. I can feel it. I almost feel like crying, knowing you care so much. Other people, I barely feel any care. I feel like just another person. You make me feel important. I never want you to see me breakdown.

I don't want to seem like the center of attention, but I feel like people take me for granted. It sounds selfish, and high on my part, but I've felt like this for the longest time. I feel like, people always think that I'll be there. That I won't leave. Right now, I feel like crying, and just severing myself from everybody for a while. To get my mind and body into shape. But I'll just be alone again.

And then there's you. You've been my friend for years. Out of everybody, I feel like your voice has the greatest presence in me. Your voice is what keeps me sane. You keep all of the pieces in place. I can't see how I would be without you, Nesly. You have no idea of how I proud I am, that you have become such a devout Christian. You show me the truth, you show me the better.

I feel like the sadness bug hit me pretty early today. I think I need to be quiet for a little. Bye bye.

"You'll be okay, boy."

Doctor, something's wrong.

So here I am again, up late and feeling lonely. Is something wrong with me? I think it's bad to be like this, night after night. I'm scared. Hahahaha.

Not to mention, I spilled pineapple juice all over my laptop, so now my keyboard is sticky. Lololol, this sucks.

And I have no job or money. Life's grand.

Those words.

You said, "She thinks I am the greatest thing in the world that could have ever happened to her. And I said, You're right.""

No matter how cocky it sounds, it is the truth.

I want to be like you.
I want to help people.
I want to be someone's everything.
I want to be someone that means the world to them.
I want to be the one of the greatest things that has ever happened to someone.
I want to be someone's best friend.
I want to be someone to lean on.
I want to be someone who inspires.
I want to be someone who gives hope to people.
I want to be someone that everyone likes.
I want to be someone who could help, and never get in the way.
I want to be someone who can make everyone laugh and smile.
I want to be someone's umbrella in a rain storm.
I want to be someone's shelter in moments of need.
I want to be someone who's hugs are like candy.
I want to be someone's place to vent.
I want to be someone.

I think I think too much. Hah, that sentence is funny. I need to lay down some more. Bai Bai.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOW.

I had a really, really, really, sad blog up. But now I feel fine. I don't know if I should lol at my moodswings, or be worried.

But right now, I feel happy. Maybe because I actually feel sleepy! Hahaha.

Here are clips of the sad blog!

-----------------------------------------

Lately, I've been thinking about how I want things to change, and how I also want people to sort of, put up with me.

How can I change, if I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. No clue at all. Up at 6:30, thinking about things, and getting only shit. My thoughts are and always have been full of bullshit. It sucks.

I need to change. I need to learn to deal with people. I have had one sided thoughts my whole life. I thought I knew, but I didn't. I'm just so damn ignorant

I wish reality would slap me in the face, and show me what I have to do.

I feel like a toilet. People pour stuff into me, for help and such, but I spill out worthless, empty bullshit.

I want to blame you, but I know I can't blame you at all. I can't point any fingers at you Erica. I've always been this unstable. Hahaha. You're obviously doing better than I.

If this made you sad, whoever reads this, I apologize. I hope I can change in time.



As of now, I don't even know if this is how I feel. My eyes are straining, my hearts heavy, my breathing is irregular. I hope it's just my mind wandering when I'm alone, and I hope these thoughts don't manifest and eat the insides of maaaaaah body.

You know what, forget you ever read this. Bye.


-----------------------------------------

Wow yo, I was super harsh. Maybe the lack of sleep is what effects psychological sicknesses the most. Hahahaha.

Lesson of the day: Sleep is good.

Hahaha. but I still feel lonely! Wow, the sun's already peeking through my window. Hhahaha,.

I haven't prayed for a couple hours. Man, I really do become a different person when I lack sleep. My mind become a portal, or more of a magnet, for negative thoughts. But now, as I tire, I feel relief, and comfort.

My sleeping schedule sucks, I hope I can fix it before school. Hahaha.

Someone make me feel important tomorrow. Hahaha. Goodnight, universe :D

This late? Man.

So another late night for Kirby! I always end up going to sleep this late, when I feel lonely. Hahaha. Lately, I've been feeling so lonely. Like there is just a wall in front of my face, covering up how I feel inside. But I shouldn't be complaining.

I don't know if it's just me who noticed, but we've all been struggling for a while. All of us have been battling our own fears and demons. Am I the only one who noticed? The only one who noticed that all of us have problems. Am I the only one who noticed, it seems like we're too busy enveloped in our own problems, to help each other as friends? Am I the only one? Or maybe I'm lying to myself.

I need help. A lot of it. I just need someone to put up with my writer's cramp and writer's crap all the time. I always have something to say, which leads me to forget other things. I feel like, all of my problems are so small. But I still need help. I need relief. I need a friend.

Also, not only I, but a lot of us need help. We all have so much stuff on our mind.

Why don't we do what friends do, and care.

Another sleepless, lonely night. So long, universe.

As of now.

I feel alone. Maybe I should just go back to sleep. Maybe my time is up.





















Hay, what do you know, new text message. Give me hope, please.

I want to be!

I want to be able to post things, when I'm not sad, or mad. Hahahaha.

It seems like when I blog, I always blog about something I am sad or mad at, which is whack. Right now, I shouldn't be sad, but, I;m just not smiling about anything. Maybe it's because I feel sleepy? Cause I do. Hahaha.

Well, today I woke up to my dad yelling, telling me to mow the lawn. Hahaha, it was so hot, I felt like crying. It reminded me about when I cut Erica's grass when that jenk was like, 4 feet tall. That was intense. Hahaha. I felt like I regret doing nice things for her, but when I thought about it, I knew I didn't think that. I'm glad that we were together, I'm glad that we're not together, I'm glad she has taken part in my life, I'm glad that I did nice things for her!

Lately, I've been grateful about everything happeneing to me. I find myself thanking God alot more. I love it. Hahaha. I wake up everyday, thanking God for giving me another chance to breathe. I thanked Him for at least giving me a lawn to mow, or a dog to yell at, or a pretty decent voice. Hahaha. I feel happier now.

But, I want someone to talk to right now. I'm dozing off. Hahaha.

Uhhhh...what else happened today? Johnny's party! I finally got rid of the large orange cone I had in the trunk of my car, that I stole after Warped Tour. LOLOLOL. His Mom started yelling at him. HAHAH.

I want to start covering things! But I feel like I have a really really crappy voice. Can someone help me sing better D: Or at least give me tips, or criticize me? I'd appreciate it. Hahaha.

Well, I feel boring. Goodnight world!